Yngwie Malmsteen - "I'll See the Light, Tonight" (video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJHX_onMjzA

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What’s a good way to make a bad day better?

If you answered drinking on the job…you’d probably be right.

But if you answered Yngwie Malmsteen…you’d be even more right!

“Yngwie Malmsteen” are magic words that always make me smile, no matter how bad life is. If you said, “Yngwie Malmsteen” at my funeral, my corpse would smile. (And if you played Yngwie Malmsteen at my funeral, my corpse would get up and do the moonwalk.)

Yngwie Malmsteen is my metal Chuck Norris.

So yesterday was a bad day. Since I don’t really drink, Plan A was out. Luckily, I didn’t need a Plan B, because I had a PLAN A+: Yngwie Malmsteen.

I typed those words into YouTube. I said a prayer to the server gods. (Judging from my recent site migration, they’re actually probably demons.) Then I hit return.

My prayer must have reached some call center in India. “Stanley” politely directed me to lots of videos of cream-colored Strats. I detest cream-colored Strats.

So I escalated my support ticket. My next query was “Yngwie Malmsteen official video”. Go, little billion-dollar algorithm, go!

Boom! I found it: heaven for five minutes and nine seconds. No, not your mom, silly! That was six and nine. If you know what I mean. Anyhoo.

A lot of people abuse the word “epic” when they talk about metal. Just because it lasts over five minutes doesn’t mean it’s “epic”. Just because it talks about dragons doesn’t mean it’s “epic”. Even calling itself “Epic” doesn’t mean it’s “epic”.

But this, my friends, is epic. Not only does it last over five minutes, it has an ACTUAL DRAGON in it. If that isn’t epic, I don’t know what it is. It’s epic at 0:00, it’s epic at 5:09, and it’s epic every second in between.

Yngwie Malmsteen makes life worth living. To a certain extent.