Upcoming Metal Releases: 3/30/2014 – 4/5/2014

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Did you perform your finger stretches this morning? The downward facing digit, the cat’s cradle, the pinky winky, the polite society tea salute? Because, hey, we don’t want you to hurt yourself. Today’s list? It’s a scroller. This ain’t no two-tablet slate you can carry down the mount. You’ve got leagues of letters to sink into here. It’s longer than the stuck groove on a coughed-upon turntable residing in the middle of a frustratingly polite germaphobe convention.

Why, sneak a peek at Anticipated Releases. Go on. See? There’s old, new, new old, and old new. Anticipated Releases alone takes up an entire Britannica shelf. Prime volumes to pull out? The Body and Pyrrhon skip the small steps and take long, strident strides; Massacre and Gravehill wear their vet medals with pride; and Pilgrim‘s plume of doom aims to make one utter, “Uh, my subwoofer is fried.”

Then, after a few mouse-wheel revolutions, you’ll come to find Of Note has an even greater gravitational pull. Enter its horizon and you’ll be boarded by Cauldron Black Ram flying the jolly DM flag, Human Cull giddy to grind skulls, and puffy-shirted Sonata Arctica packing their cannons with pillows. Don’t be afraid, though, because the elf himself is waiting for you near the end. Warning: it’s a ways, so get your feeler-yoga in now to guard against a cramped knuckle when respectfully flashing Dio your phalanges.

Oh, one last thing. We couldn’t ignore tomorrow’s date. So, be forewarned: two of the following entrees are totally fake. Think you can spot ’em? Good luck!

See something we missed? Goofs? Let us know in the comments. Plus, as always, feel free to post your own shopping lists. Happy digging.

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New metal releases for the week of 3/30/2014 – 4/5/2014. Release dates are formatted according to proposed North American scheduling, if available. Expect to see the bulk of these records on shelves or distros on Tuesday unless otherwise noted. Blurbs and designations are based on available promotional material and perceived buzz.

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Anticipated Releases:

The Body – I Shall Die Here | RVNG | Sludge, doom, drone
Punishing Portlanders hook up with the harrowing electrician Haxan Cloak for this throbbing collabo.

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Gravehill – Death Curse | Dark Descent Records | Death/thrash
Anaheim’s mighty marauding devils devote equal space to mammoth, prehistoric wasps and hoarse-throated thrash ’em ups.

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Massacre – Back From Beyond | Century Media Records | Death metal
Classic Floridan flayers return with their first LP since 1996. Current members have logged time in Death, Six Feet Under, Denial Fiend, Obituary, and Diabolic.

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Pilgrim – II: Void Worship | Metal Blade Records | Doom
Krolg Splinterfist, Slayer of Men and The Wizard wield a black stone and roll out their sophomore release of sticky-icky, epic doom.

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Pyrrhon – The Mother Of Virtues | Relapse Records | Death metal
Inventive, tech-dexterous experimentation on the metal properties of noise rock, no-wave, and other decidedly dissonant materials. The name of the singer looks so…familiar…

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Sabbath Assembly – Quaternity | Svart Records | Doom, rock
Occultist superbeings Jamie Myers (formerly Hammers of Misfortune) and David Nuss cut their third processean of psych, avant-garde, and proto-doom.

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Sargeist – Feeding The Crawling Shadows | World Terror Committee | Black metal
Fourth from these Finns capturing the bleak super ‘molo of the misanthropic soul. Related to Behexen and Horna. Stream a track here.

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Of Note:

Arf Ack Art – Bleerrrrrrgh | Miroungan Melt Down | Grind
After accidentally swimming through a cloud of chemicals released during an illegal dump, these mutated, beastly belchers with a heightened intelligence are now out for revenge, infiltrating Fortune 500 companies so they may chest-slap environmental offenders. Their superhero disguise? A harem assaulting audiences via br00ful gutturals. Catch the movie this summer, a loose adaptation of Miami Connection.

Cauldron Black Ram – Stalagmire | 20 Buck Spin | Death metal
Thrashy, winding death metal possessing a blackened bite. Australia’s finest pirate-themed metallers. Members also sail on the good ships Mournful Congregation and StarGazer.

Ceremonial – Ars Magicka | Blood Harvest | Blackened thrash
Chilean trio blemished by a miniscule web presence. Samples are fleeting. That said, they employ a Voivod-ian logo and call a leather-bedecked bruiser in a gimp mask a bud. You’ll know if that ticks any boxes.

Daggers – It’s Not Jazz, It’s Blues | Throatruiner | Sludge, metalcore
Belgium batterers evoking Unsane tasked with recreating Cursed.

深山 – 忘忧湖 | Pest Productions | Folk metal, black metal, post-rock
Ultra-melodic Chinese black metal owning a passport stamped full of their adventurousness.

Epistasis – Light Through Dead Glass | Crucial Blast | Black metal, avant-garde
The blackened sibling of Pyrrhon, featuring the aforementioned outfit’s drummer. Quirky, eclectic, and quite barbaric when it needs to be.

Erebus Enthroned – Temple Under Hell | Séance Records | Black metal
Evil infernity from Sydney. Manages a near-death heft within a solid second-wave framework.

Human Cull – Stillborn Nation | Wooaaargh | Grind
These UK napalm igniters adhere to an older, more brutal truth.

Infest – Cold Blood War | Xtreem Music | Death/thrash
Speedy Serbian blargh on a battle-minded thrash mission.

Ivory Glower – Abite hortibus meis iuvenci scelerati | Blacken My Day | Black metal
Illinois’s corpsepainted coot leaves the coffin one last time to demand false children don’t dare step off the sidewalk and onto his petunias. The 74-year-old former vice principle is rumored to have been at the legendary Permanent Record sessions.

Lost Society – Terror Hungry | Nuclear Blast | Thrash
Finnish pups grow into their white high-tops on their second release.

Mansion – The Mansion Congregation Hymns Vol.1 | Streaks Records | Doom, rock
A six-deep congregation of tab dropping Pentagram worship. Fans of Sabbath Assembly should attend this service, too.

Mass Infection – For I Am Genocide | Comatose Music | Death metal
Ruthless brutal death blasting away in Greece.

Minstrelix – Chronostrings | Easy Rider Records | Power metal
Self-described as “Dramatic Melodic Speed Metal Band.” Apt. Helloween‘s speed matched by a jJ-pop knack for incessant catchiness.

Monolord – Empress Rising | Easy Rider Records | Doom, stoner
Heavy is the tone occupying the dopethrone. Spaced Swedish stoners with epic ambitions.

Morbid Flesh – Embedded in the Ossuary | Unholy Prophecies | Death metal
A Spanish OSDM mauling reminiscent of mate-sharing countrymen Graveyard.

Nux Vomica – Nux Vomica | Relapse Records | Sludge, post-metal, crust
Hybrid of a myriad of styles, falling just outside all of them. Longform ala Wolves in the Throne Room, but with the sound/scope of Fall of Efrafa.

Sonata Arctica – Pariah’s Child | Nuclear Blast | Power metal
Finland’s ultimate guilty pleasure plate of cheese. Despite it being their eighth, their immutable sense of wonder has not diminished.

TAURUS – No/Thing | Self-released | Doom
Terrifyingly discordant slow n’ low opening your mind to celestial infinity. The duo’s work is available in a number of above-and-beyond packaging options.

Various Artists – This is Your Life | Rhino | Metal
A comp curated for a good cause. Metallica, Rob Halford, Motörhead, and others come together to do their best Dio. Proceeds flow to the Ronnie James Dio Stand Up And Shout Cancer Fund.

Woman Is the Earth – Depths | Init Records | Black metal
Literally from the Black Hills, these Dakotans color the Cascadian clatter with the hues of night.

Wort – Not Your Cup of Tea | When Planets Collide | Doom, sludge
A trio of THC triffids trading wums at a low-down doom dispensary.

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Things We Missed:

Ars Moriendi tremed blackened flurries with a measurement greater than a drunk Bostonian’s estimation of, “…the bigghast blizzarhd evah.”

Beyond Mortal Dreams intercepted your R.E.M. and planted compelling hints regarding a certain slice of irresistible interstellar death.

Bleak proved their future is the opposite of their nom de doom, sludging up a stew of Eyehategod’s utter distaste for humanity.

Gutted Alive mixed fresh meat to make a slamming NYDM sausage.

JANVS crafted the perfect hiking companion for watching the sun set the sky alight behind a forest’s canopy. Not to be confused with this.

Khonsu stepped into the Stargate and was transported to worlds beyond. Includes a Bjork cover.

Leather skipped the studded jackets for flannel and power-pop skinny ties.

Old Iron held strong, keeping the sludge ship moored to the post peer.

Sisilisko chopped up folksy doom with a Harvey Milk quirkiness.

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