Speaking of Vinnie Paul, Pantera collaborated with Judas Priest’s Rob Halford on a song for the soundtrack of 1992’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. Now, all I know about Buffy is that she fucks up Google searches for the band Slayer (solution: type in “-buffy”). I’ve watched but half an episode of the TV show, which is evidently hardly related to the movie. But seeing as how the cast includes a young Hilary Swank, a pre-Punisher Tom Jane, Rutger Hauer, and Paul Reubens aka Pee-wee Herman, I just might have to rent it sometime.

Rob Halford & Pantera – Light Comes Out of Black

However, it would not be for the soundtrack. Stay far, far away. Any album with Toad the Wet Sprocket is DOA. I could give a toss about Susanna Hoffs and The Divinyls (not playing their one song). The C+C Music Factory song is bad, even for C+C Music Factory. Mary’s Danish turn in a downright insulting cover of “I Fought the Law.” The Cult and Matthew Sweet phone it in, though cult Canadian rappers Dream Warriors make a respectable, if completely unexpected, appearance. If you’re curious what Ozzy Osbourne would sound like with Van Halen for a backing band, look no further.

The one bright spot is appropriately titled “Light Comes Out of Black.” My two favorite sounds in the world are a woman’s orgasm and a cat’s purr. (An ex pointed out that they have the same name.) #3 is probably Rob Halford’s voice. This song really isn’t that special; it’s just Pantera doing straightforward metal. But when Halford’s voice comes in, I know everything will be all right. The guy could sing about mowing the lawn, and it would still sound epic.

In fact, he probably is singing about mowing the lawn. The lyrics seemingly string together random fortune cookies: “Light comes out of black / Stand and face the fear / Give him eye to eye / Walk the walk right here.” If Halford’s lyrics made sense, I wouldn’t like him half as much. No other singer has a higher awesomeness of voice to awfulness of lyrics ratio. Well, Phil Anselmo comes close – and he conveniently shows up here to sing backups. The Halford + Pantera concept would turn into an actual band called Fight, but in 1992, it was merely background music for Kristy Swanson.