Metal pets: Shana the dog, Dario the cat
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Shana (aka Shana Emfurry)
Shana is a four year-old Collie/Shepherd mix. She was rescued from a local pet shelter, and her name is a cross between Shaun of the Dead and Shane Embury because she has a big appetite. Her favorite bands are High on Fire, Lair of the Minotaur, and Mastodon because they wrote songs about wolves (“Speedwolf,” “The Wolf,” and “The Wolf is Loose,” respectively). She considers herself a Wolf in her Throne Room (the living room) and sits on her Barkthrone (the futon) with imposing authority. Whenever I play Municipal Waste, she starts doing a one-dog circle pit; she thrashes like a maniac while chasing her own tail. She enjoys playing in the park, sneaking into the bathroom to drink out of the toilet, barking at the stray cats in the neighborhood, and eating my sneakers.
Dario Argento (aka Mewronymous)
Dario Argento is a three year-old tabby Maine Coon. I found him on my back porch one morning when he was still a tiny kitten. He just walked into the kitchen looking for food while Dario Argento’s Suspiria was playing in the living room. Hence his br00tal name. These days he likes to ambush the dog with his blackened claws of death. He’s planning on sneaking himself in my suitcase so he can go to Maryland Deathfest to see his favorite band Mayhem. In his spare time, he loves knocking down the garbage can and scattering tamale wrappers across the kitchen. For some weird reason, my hair ties go missing and he pees in the hamper whenever he hears Autopsy and Asphyx. Beware his sweet demeanor – he’s dangerously charismatic, and he will rub his furry tail against your face without any warning.
Lair of the Minotaur – The WolfAsphyx – Food for the Ignorant
Do you have a metal pet? Is your furry/winged/scaly loved one br00tal…ly cute? If so, we want to feature it. Please send photos and testimonials to invisibleoranges at gmail dot com.
