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If John Waters blogged about metal, the result would be Metal Inquisition. The site is mean as hell, yet culturally astute. It trawls society's backwaters and exposes insecurities for public ridicule. Blogger Sergeant D is especially adept at this. The man has some of the strangest tastes I've ever seen. He'll champion old-school powerviolence, then turn around and stick up for crunkcore and "wigger slam" metal (his term). He actually likes that stuff.

Decibel's June '09 issue (Isis cover, buy here) had a feature on slam metal that extensively utilized Sarge's expertise. ("Slam metal" in a nutshell: death metal with a preponderance of slow mosh parts.) I asked him to compile a mixtape that would be a slam metal primer. Below is the result, along with some notes by him. After listening to it, I still can't tell any of this stuff apart. But some of it is surprisingly good. Warning: potentially offensive content ahead.

- Cosmo Lee

by Sergeant D

01. Devourment - Babykiller

Hailing from Texas, these bros defined slam metal as we know it today with this song back in 1999. This particular version is from their demo and features their original vocalist, Wayne Knupp (RIP).

02. Gorevent - Extinction

The Japanese are at the forefront of slam innovation, applying the rigor and discipline of the Toyota Production System to crushing slamz. Gorevent is one of their best, executing the formula with ruthless precision. I have no fucking idea how they get this snare sound, though.

03. Cephalotripsy - Sanguinary Misogynistic Execration

Who knew San Diego was so br00tal?! These dudes are, IMO, the finest slam band in the US. What makes them so great is that they stick to the basic slam formula of slam, blast, slam gravity blast, slam, etc, but execute it better than anyone. The vocals are absolutely FILTHY.

04. Repudilation - Fall of Oppression

While I may have popularized the term "wigger slam," these guys were playing wigger slam before it had a name. Of particular note is their excellent drummer, who went on to form Entorturement and 420 as well. Ice bell!

05. Rest in Gore - Gutrectomy

I think this band is mostly the same people as Gorevent, and it sounds mostly the same. But I'm cool with that; there is no such thing as too much guttural slamming brutality for this guy.

06. I Declare Goddess - I Declare Goddess

If you haven't seen Big Chocolate's Youtube videos, check them out. He is some 18 year-old kid from Nevada who is arguably the best death metal vocalist on the planet. This is a song he did with the singer for the deathcore band I Declare War.

07. Infernal Revulsion - Rot in Peace

Not all Japanese wigger slam (or jigger slam) is like Gorevent's cold, machinelike churning. Infernal Revulsion have a more melodic, humanistic take on the genre that more directly references Suffocation, Entorturement, and other previous-gen bands.

08. Putrid Pile - Dead

This one man band is home to some of the catchiest slamz this side of "Babykiller." I am pretty sure tweens enjoy dancing to this song.

09. Guttural Secrete - Reek of Pubescent Despoilment

Guttural Secrete are a good example of what some call "fast slam," which is exactly what it sounds like: slam metal that has lots of blasts.

10. Disconformity - Endocranial Cast

This is the original jigger slam band, whose demo featuring this song back in 2003 or whatever turned quite a few heads. The ringy snare, the puffy down coats, the Jackson guitars — all the elements of the jigger slam sound started right here!

11. Condemned - Habitual Depravity

A Cephalotripsy spinoff band, this is a fine example of fast slam. They manage to write simple, catchy riffs that don't skimp on the slamz like most brutal death bands do.

12. Human Rejection - Infernal Hostility

The Greeks may have invented democracy, but they can't claim credit for the slamz. Nonetheless, this bunch of swarthy Greeks play a punching, relentless take on slam that will make you say, "So THIS is the new generation of power groove!"

13. Glossectomy - Unknown

This is the final of the "Big 3" jigger slam bands, and they sound more or less exactly the same as the other ones. Definitely look up their Youtube videos for some lulz.

14. Pyrexia - Sermon of Mockery

Along with Internal Bleeding and Suffocation, Pyrexia are the forefathers of slam. They were particularly slammy, with the intro riff to this track being one of their finest moments.

15. The Dark Prison Massacre - My Cock Is the Truth

If the title of this song alone isn't enough to get your approval, perhaps you will give it the nod after learning that this is the first CHIGGER SLAM band. That's right, globalization is working its magic and we have offshored our low-end wigger capabilities.

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