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Metal. Law. Metal Law. METAL LAW. (Imagine that in a Halford yell every time you see the words "Metal Law" from here on out.)

Rule #1 of Metal Law (!!): Obey The Law. We all know it's cool to be "Breaking the Law" and everything, but it's actually not. You see that boner on the cover up there with salon hair and a killer studded battle jacket and a sweet axe just out of reach, itself chained to hold back the hot licks that would undoubtedly pour forth like stone cold dragonfire from its frets? Don't be him.

Law, one of those words that the more you look at it and say it aloud, the less it looks like a real word. But you should follow it by the book, whether that means any of the thousands of rules concerning headbanging or rule 320594—2B: always defrost your hotpocket before enjoying.

As Metal Law says in "Heavy Metal Is Forever":

Still remember in the '80s
Guitars screaming on the stage
Rising glory of the giants and I stand in front
That's my passion forever

Hell can wait so much longer
Breaking all their foolish rules now
Every minute, metal rising to eternity

Stronger than the wind
Leather on the skin
You feel the power in you
Bang your head around
This is the sign for you

You are the metal maniacs
Yes, this I can see
You have your boots on
Polished blue as steel
The metal is the power
Law of the leather and spikes
Are you ready for the Metal Law?

Metalheads, strong as steel
Side by side, we stand together
Metalheads, strong as steel
Heavy Metal is forever

Metal religion
Tribute to the gods
You are metal on and on
Bang your head around
At the sign of the goat
This is the sign for all

You are the metal maniacs
Yes, this I can see
You have your boots on
Polished blue as steel
The metal is the power
Law of the leather and spikes
Are you ready for the Metal Law?

Metalheads, strong as steel
Side by side, we stand together
Metalheads, strong as steel
Heavy Metal is forever

Think about that and shut up.

This is the first of a 10,000 post series covering the book of METAL LAW, set to the music of METAL LAW. Rev the engines, let 'er rip, burn rubber, take notes or whatever nerds and pencilpushers do. These German shredbangers know what the fuck is up. Metal Archives will tell you Metal Law was signed to Metal on Metal Records and lyrical themes consist of creatures of the night, Metal, and Rebellion. They forgot one—Kicking Ass. Sit down and hold onto your butts, this is about to get serious.

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