It’s The Great Pumpkin, Scab Casserole!
…
Mr. Casserole,
Enclosed is the treatment for your Halloween special.
As our other letters have either not reached you or been ignored, we will be frank: stop sending us this pitch. Not only is the plot of your proposed television segment ghastly and vulgar, but your own notes within this treatment seem to imply that you actually have a very vague idea as to how animated TV specials are made. Furthermore—and we cannot stress this enough—we do not read Invisible Oranges and as such have no idea who any of these people are.
We have contacted the Schultz estate, whose lawyers I’m sure will be reaching out to you in the near future. In the meantime, we ask that you please, please, please refrain from writing to us again.
Firmly,
The fine people at NBC
…
It’s The Great Pumpkin, Scab Casserole: A Halloween Special
Written by Scab Casserole
Story by Scab Casserole
All editing and notes by Scab Casserole
…
Scene One:
In preparation for Halloween, attractive and charismatic metal journalist extraordinaire Scab Casserole begins composing his yearly letter to the Great Pumpkin. Written in diabolic signs and ancient tongues [MAKE IT LOOK LIKE HEBREW BUT DARKER; TALK TO WAYNE BARLOWE ABOUT DESIGNS], it calls for the Pumpkin to rise from the pumpkin patch that Halloween and bathe the world in a sea of blood and shadow, thus ushering in a new dark age in which the enemies of mankind can run rampant. Scab is one by one ridiculed by the other members of the Invisible Oranges staff and indeed the metal community at large—Doug Moore claims Scab’s letter is poorly-written and relies too heavily on heartstring-tugging semantics, Beth Winegarner says Scab’s belief in the Pumpkin is an expression of his fear of women, and Wyatt Marshall claims the Head Shots series is bullshit and that Agalloch are fucking amazing [MAKE SURE WYATT SOUNDS BITCHY DURING THIS, MAYBE PLAY SOME AGALLOCH TO ILLUSTRATE HOW BAD THEY ARE]. Undeterred, Scab puts his letter in the mailbox.
Scene Two:
On Halloween, Scab Casserole posts up in the pumpkin patch, preparing for the arrival of the Great Pumpkin. The IO staff, dressed in corpsepaint and spiked leather, stops by on the way to Wyatt’s party to ridicule Scab. They claim that Halloween in general is childish and idiotic, and make a point to repeatedly mention that the patch is very secluded and no one would find him if they chose to repeatedly stab him and piss in the wounds, no sir, no one at all [MAYBE SHOW THIS SCENARIO]. Scab remains resolute, so the gang walks off, but not before Doug gives Scab a hard whack on the head [WITH A WRENCH OR HATCHET OR SOMETHING? LEAVE THIS UP TO DIRECTOR], opening a gash in his temple and spraying hot blood across the pumpkin patch. Meanwhile, Richard Street-Jammer, dressed in his WWI fighter ace outfit, climbs on top of his house and pretends to fight the Red Baron while listening to Baroness’ Red Album.
Scene Three:
As Scab tries to stop the bleeding from his head wound, he does not notice the full moon rising, nor does he witness his own spilled blood soaking into the ground. A whispering sound gets his attention, just as a series of vines rises from the earth and penetrates his every orifice like some kind of cacodemon straight out of a terrible anime movie [SEE BIBLE BLACK OR LA BLUE GIRL FOR REFERENCE]. As the blood and organs are drained from Scab, the ground splits open and in a cloud of bats and phantoms the Great Pumpkin arises, gnashing its teeth and bellowing to the heavens that his time has finally come. The Pumpkin lifts Scab’s desiccated corpse into his maw and sets Scab’s head ablaze, thus turning himself into a morbid jack-o-lantern. Then he stalks out of the pumpkin patch intent on causing havoc across the land. [GREAT PUMPKIN SHOULD HAVE ULTRA-BRUTAL SPOOKY THEME SONG; TALK TO GUYS IN GHOUL ABOUT PERFORMING, BUT FOR EXPOSURE, NO MONEY].
Scene Four:
Wyatt’s party. The IO staff—and several hangers-on—is raucously drunk and drawing satanic images on the walls. While everyone else got candy trick’r treating, Chris Rowella received only crack rocks, which actually suits him as he is being Blake Judd for Halloween this year. [MAYBE ALSO MAKE JOKE ABOUT PROMISING HALLOWEEN CANDY BUT NOT SENDING IT? TALK TO LEGAL TEAM] As Rowella begins having a crack-induced seizure on the floor, the Great Pumpkin tears the roof off of Wyatt’s house. The staff screams as the Pumpkin’s many vines creep through the party, stabbing deeply into the skulls of the revelers and turning them into flesh-eating zombies via [SOME ZOMBIFICATION PROCESS BULLSHIT, PROBABLY BRAIN WORMS, WILL INCLUDE LATER]. The reanimated IO staff now stalks the streets, seizing children dressed as Spongebobs and Elsas and bringing them to the Pumpkin, who cuts out their young hearts and devours them, gore running down his orange face. As more and more children die choking on their own blood, it becomes apparent to Jammer, viewing the horror from his rooftop, that he has to save Halloween.
Scene Five:
After accusing its normal pilot of a series of church burnings, Jammer commandeers an actual WWI Sopwith Camel and takes to the skies. He attacks the Great Pumpkin, riddling the creature’s face with holes. In retaliation, the Pumpkin summons vampires and gargoyles to assault Jammer mid-air. Besieged by winged nightmares, Jammer leaps out of the plane and lands in the Pumpkin’s mouth. He learns via [SOME ELDRITCH HORSESHIT] that the only way to stop the Great Pumpkin from turning the world into a horrific abattoir is by space-docking with Scab’s burning reanimated corpse [MAKE IT CLEAR THAT JAMMER IS TURNED ON BY THIS BUT SCAB IS TOTALLY NOT GAY AND LOVES WOMEN]. In an act of true bravery, Jammer touches dicks with zombie Scab. Then, the Great Pumpkin and Scab Casserole are sucked through a fiery vortex to the netherworld where they burn in hellfire for all of eternity [SHOW BURNING]. Everyone is returned to normal, except for the children, who remain dead.
