Defend the indefensible: Symphonic black metal

by Cosmo Lee

Actually, a black metal “ghastly saga of naval terror and elemental fright” (according to the band’s PR) might be interesting. What if Leviathan redid Leviathan? That promo image suggests J. Crew gone black metal. After all, we already have black metal skinny jeans.

Carach Angren – The Carriage Wheel Murder

Symphonic black metal might be the worst kind of metal ever invented. It’s even worse than metalcore, deathcore, or goth metal, because I can think of good exceptions for those, but I can’t think of any for symphonic black metal. For a hot second, I liked Dimmu Borgir’s Death Cult Armageddon for the live orchestra angle. Then I realized that if I wanted to listen to Danny Elfman with huge budgets, I’d rather watch Batman movies. I like orchestras, and I like Elfman, but I don’t like keyboard facsimiles of them. In black metal, I want blood and guts, not 1’s and 0’s.

Is anyone willing to defend symphonic black metal?