Consuming Impulse: The Environmental Disaster Burger

The recent BP oil spill has stoked the inner environmentalist within metal’s followers. Phil Anselmo’s recent interview gives a brutally honest picture of how the region is hurting. Some high-profile metal celebrities recently joined in the BP boycott as well. The Nuclear Assault video for “Critical Mass” immediately comes to mind. “Another oil spill!” sounds so chillingly real.

Kuma’s Corner makes light of this situation with the Environmental Disaster burger in the same month that BP announced they stopped the leak. The Environmental Disaster burger is a 10 oz. beef patty swimming in alligator sausage, crawfish, and okra-accented gumbo, like a huge tar ball in the bayou. The burger was juicy and its slight saltiness helped balance out the gumbo’s bite. The gumbo filled up a bowl lined with a good helping of white rice. The alligator sausage was not as gamey as I expected. It was actually comparable to the gourmet sausages at nearby Hot Doug’s. I had to skip the crawfish because of my shellfish allergies. The okra lost its crunch after being submerged in the gumbo, but did not lose its flavor. A layer of fresh scallions provided crisp relief from the submerged ingredients. The burger did not come with fries, which would have been a welcome addition to soak in the gumbo. A light beer, preferably a Belgian White like Allagash, would ease out the heat and any possibilities of heartburn. I suggest eating this burger at night, when temperatures have dropped. Just like the Gulf Coast’s oppressive humidity, it makes you sweat buckets. Hydration during consumption is encouraged.

This was probably one of the most claustrophobic yet addictive burgers I’ve had, to the point it makes me angry just to think of the oil spill. Hopefully every restaurant in America puts Hayward and Co. on their blacklist.

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Carm occasionally sacrifices his arteries for the sake of this column.

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