Pure Testosterone #1: Austrian Death Machine, Demonical, Exaltation (Ger)

What I listen to when I work out is much different than what I listen to otherwise. My ideal workout music has power, regularity, and low end. This excludes mathcore, most black metal, and technical death metal, but includes metallic hardcore, brutal death metal, and Amon Amarth — none of which I enjoy for recreation. Still, my workouts are important to me, so their music is important to me. Thus, I’m starting this column to share some of my favorite workout music. It’s a lot of stuff that wouldn’t normally make it onto this site — get ready for some critically unacclaimed music.

Austrian Death Machine – It’s Simple, If It Jiggles, It’s Fat

Austrian Death Machine make no bones about their brand of stupidity, which I happen to love: Arnold Schwarzenegger jokes. I am the target audience for Austrian Death Machine. The one-man army movie is my favorite cinematic genre. I practically know Predator by heart. As long as Tim Lambesis keeps finding Arnold one-liners to turn into choruses, I am on board with Austrian Death Machine. The music is just like Hatebreed, but the difference is you’re laughing with it, not at it. Just forget the second half of Double Brutal (Metal Blade, 2009), which is horrible metalcore covers of metal classics. Stay away from metal, Tim, and pay your Ahnold impersonator union scale. He’s half your record, you know.

Demonical – World Serpent

Demonical come to me highly recommended, but I can’t take them on any level other than workout music. Hellsworn (Cyclone Empire, 2009) is really a distortion pedal disguised as an album. This pedal is the Boss DS-1 with knobs all the way up that underpins old-school Swedish death metal. It’s a great sound, and it’s perfect for workouts, especially when there are no pesky distractions like songs. Don’t be fooled by the track markers and song titles; this is just 35 glorious minutes of pure DS-1.

Exaltation (Ger) – Necrobirth

Exaltation also do exactly one thing. Their one thing, though, is a little unusual: snare drum. Tales of Total Sickness (Sevared, 2009) is really a snare drum disguised as an album. I have never heard a snare so upfront and constant. Luckily, I enjoy its sound. After half an hour, it becomes the death metal equivalent of “Om” in yoga: a resonating frequency. Others probably find these German clones of mid-period Krisiun annoying, but I find them kind of soothing.

Buy:
Austrian Death Machine (CD)
Austrian Death Machine (MP3)
Demonical (CD)
Demonical (LP)
Exaltation (CD)
Exaltation (MP3)