Procreation (Of the Not-So-Wicked)

To those of us that pursue life, liberty, and epic riffs, liberty is an important aspect of our being. At its core, heavy metal represents freedom and individuality. Being a responsible member of society isn’t high on the priority list. But despite this and all the metal prose dedicated to doing your own thing no matter the cost, real life still happens. In my case, that means impending fatherhood. It’s silly to dismiss being a parent as somehow “not metal”, but the change is fundamental. Whereas before I was doing the toxic waltz, now it’s time to provide, protect, and nurture.

I am not one to lose his head and freak out, even with such a life-altering event. There are feelings of anticipation, nervousness, and excitement, but stress hasn’t kicked in. As an oldest child, I have always had a protective instinct that I believe will translate well to being a father. (Amon Amarth could have a field day with that concept.)

The mother of my soon-to-be twins is not fond of extreme music. Her idea of heavy metal tops out with Mötley Crüe and Ratt. After hearing about shows I attended with bands named Goatwhore, Dying Fetus, and Eyehategod, she was frightened for her future children. I learned long ago that this music is not for everyone. Her not liking it isn’t a problem, but she believes it will scare and harm our kids. My first reaction is to laugh this off. However, it touches on the bigger subject of parents agreeing on how their children will be raised.

. . .

. . .

In spite of assurances that hearing Slayer wouldn’t turn our kids into cloven-hoofed beasts, my partner was still imposing a moratorium on metal for them until the teen years. What I’ve started to do is play some “friendlier” bands when she is around. Her issue, like many others, is the harsh vocals. Iron Maiden, Clutch, Baroness, and Alcest have assuaged some of her trepidation. Pelican and Russian Circles also have crossover appeal, as they remove the vocal equation altogether. Hope is not lost.

There is no shortage of metal musicians with children, even grandchildren at this point — not to mention the hundreds of thousands of fans with offspring. Although the demographics have shifted, metal is still a men’s club, so I doubt my situation is anything new. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a main concern, but this music is a big part of my life. I won’t be able to attend nearly as many shows — in the spring and summer, it was usually two a week — and I’ll definitely be falling behind on new bands and releases. It might not approach the significance of relocating or selling off a business, but to me these are important things.

Two healthy and happy children is the hope — but twin toddlers in Obituary onesies would be perfect. If there are other metal dads (or soon-to-be) among us, please speak up and share your story. A play group circle pit could be in our future!