Fun with Kreator

Kreator last week at the House of Blues in Hollywood was great. Young and old alike came out to thrash, and thrash they did. I have the bruises to prove it.

But I wish I had proof of something different: Mille Petrozza’s ridiculous stage banter. If I had known he would be such a comedic goldmine, I would have rolled (digital) tape. His stage banter wasn’t brilliant, in the Frank Mullen or Mikael Åkerfeldt sense. It was brilliantly bad, in the Paul Stanley or Joey Belladonna sense.

I loved it. The man has been doing it for 25 years. He’s probably used the same stage banter for the last 20. It has a lot of “Hello, Cleveland!”-type regional blandishment. I can’t believe crowds still fall for this trick.

The best moment was when Petrozza asked for a “California-style moshpit”. I wondered what he meant exactly. Usually when you ask for something California-style, it comes with beans and guacamole. Perhaps he meant a Crips and Bloods-style shootout. My mental image of a “California-style moshpit” is a laidback group of folks wearing flip-flops and eating burritos.

I wonder if Petrozza uses that line wherever he goes. In Baltimore, does he ask for a “Maryland-style moshpit”? What would a Russian-style moshpit look like? I imagine that a Texas-style moshpit would be a terrifying melee of ex-football players carrying concealed weapons. An Italian-style moshpit would have fashionably dressed metallers carrying little Lavazza cups.

Cultural stereotypes are fun.