Consuming Impulse: The Shrinebuilder Burger

Shrinebuilder are not only elder statesmen of doom metal, but also four spirits who only converge during changes of seasons. They gather during the spring equinox under the cover of moonlight in a secluded farm. During the summer, they manifest human forms in order to cultivate the land. During the fall equinox, before they return to the spirit world, they harvest their bounty and distribute it to their followers. The result? The Shrinebuilder burger, the April burger of the month from Kuma’s Corner.

The burger was crafted with beautiful simplicity. The 10 oz. patty was alive with flavor; the cow it came from must have been serenaded by Wino’s riffs. The Emmental cheese had a soft, smooth texture. Its calming warmth must have been pasteurized by Scott Kelly’s slow burn. The wild mushrooms were fresh and bouncy, and the stone ground mustard that complemented them was robust. They must have come from Dale Crover’s earth-shaking and the rain from Al Cisneros’ thunder. This burger was a heavy and minimalist experience. Heavy ales like Arrogant Bastard complemented it well. Maximum burger + maximum beer = maximum results.

As the Roadburn festival in the Netherlands approaches, it would be imperative to try this burger before experiencing Shrinebuilder. It is only once in a blue moon that these kindred spirits gather and create something magical. Like this burger, once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.

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Carm occasionally sacrifices his arteries for the sake of this column.

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