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True Tales of Weird Merch


Selling music is tough. If people are going to download music for free, how does a band convince their fans to give them money for doing, you know, band stuff? Someone a long time ago figured it out: Give the people merch. Lots of it. Big merch. Little merch. All kinds of merch. Weird merch. Special editions. Ultimate collectors’ editions. Diehard editions. Stuff.

A few days ago, I stumbled across the “throatcutter” below, and it got me thinking about some of the other unusual merch items there are out there. Below are some some of those, and other metal-related stuff that takes it to the next level. Going beyond the double LP/digi/shirt combo, we’re getting into some weird territory—like, not allowed to be shipped internationally territory. There are a lot of other strange merch items we’re leaving out—what are some of your favorites you’ve stumbled across, or that you even own? Are these types of collectors’ items unique to metal?

— Wyatt Marshall

Negura Bunget Dirt


Negura Bunget released a special “earthbox” edition for their album Vîrstele Pămîntului that came filled with dirt from Transylvania. It costed 40 euros, and they made 555 of them. That’s good business.

Drudkh book box with quill and ink


Box sets are gimmes when looking for weird special edition merch. No butt-emblazoned gym shorts here; this one, for Drudkh’s Handful of Stars, comes in a book with a quill and ink, presumably to use when writing your Drudkh review.

Auris Apothecary Boxcutter


Auris Apothecary is the king of insane and cool releases (17-inch lathe cut record limited to 37 copies, anyone?), and here they are with a boxcutter emblazoned with the label’s logo, limited to 50. The label’s description for these “throatcutters” is gold:

Simply because we can, we created Auris Apothecary brand Throatcutters, a totally normal boxcutter with a totally ridiculous name. Throughout the course of creating prototypes & constructing releases, a boxcutter is one of the single most useful tools, and something that can never be close enough in reach. Thus, we wished to offer our own rendition, a stainless steel, industrial strength boxcutter adorned with our classic logo in black ink. Makes a great gift for suicidal teenagers, women who walk alone at night, young children who need to learn the value of dangerous things, potential terrorists, Mother’s Day presents, and other countless exciting uses.

Black Dahlia Murder “Ritual Set”


It looks like some incense and a Ouija board to me, but I’ve been wrong before.

Inquisition goat leather sleeve


Inquisition’s forthcoming album Obscure Verses of the Multiverse is absolutely awesome. Since they’re all about the Goat, this special edition comes with a goat leather sleeve for the LP. This sold like wildfire.

Ghost dildo and buttplug set

ghost merch

ghost merch

You’ve probably seen it before, but that doesn’t change the fact that Ghost made a pope-shaped dildo and a buttplug.

Kirkebrann Fantoft stave church candle

Staying in blasphemous territory, Kirkebrann, which means “church fire”, is a “True Norwegian Black Candle”. Not merch, but it’s not hard to think of a few bands that would be into selling these. Stocking stuffers?

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