Blood, skulls and crucifixion have been major themes in metal for quite some time; however, I have never seen a band amp up the grim and create an album cover that shows the slitting of Jesus’ wrists as the blood pours into a skull. (Not even Cannibal Corpse!) So imagine my surprise when this is the image that greets me on the front of Goatwhore’s new album Blood For The Master, to be released on Valentine’s Day.
Taking things to the next level of gruesome translates past the artwork on this album and pertains to the music as well. Relentless riffs, blackened thrash and perfectly executed tempo shifts abound, proving that Goatwhore has only been improving upon their tormented tunage since 2009’s Carving out the Eyes of God.
This contest end at midnight on February 13th. For your chance to win a copy of this egregious example of sacrilege on its oddly romantic release date, tell us in the comments below what album(s) you plan to get busy to this Valentine’s Day, metal or otherwise. Warning: This comment section is about to get raunchy.
— Kelly Kettering
Carcass’ Necrotism – Descanting the Insalubrious
Turbonegro – Ass Cobra
Agalloch’s “Marrow of the Spirit,” because it starts out pretty enough, but swiftly devolves to sweeping despair. Just like doing it!
Anal Cunt’s Picnic of Love
I love my hand so much
Even though I’m disqualified from this giveaway, I would probably say Khanate’s self titled, Throbbing Gristle’s Second Annual Report, Swans’ Filth, Whitehouse’s Erector and Merzbow’s Pulse Demon.
…and the ending would be The B-52’s Rock Lobster.
…almost forgot the beginning will be Big Black’s Songs About Fucking. OK I’m done now.
I totally get the drone thing. That’s about the only thing I can think Nadja is good for.
Nattefrost – Terrorist (Nekronaut Pt. I)
It has the song Preteen Deathfuck.
Electric Wizard – Come My Fanatics… turn off the lights, light some candles, a little insense and get freaky-deaky w/ some doomed slow jams.
Secret Chief 3’s Book M…instrumental is the way to go (unless it’s James Brown ballads), and SC3 has has enough bounce to appeal to the ladies (or at least my lady).
Disqualified, but…
The Mentors “You Axed For It”…
C’mon Carm, you know that was your answer, too.
Oddly enough the best fuck-track out there is The Cardigan’s “First Band on the Moon”. If you don’t trust my word, just listen to the climax that album creates.
Easy: Derek and Clive’s ‘Ad Naseum’.
I know many of you think that ‘Come Again’ would be the natural choice.
But with such romantic tracks as ‘Sir’, ‘The Horn’, ‘Intergalactic Sex’, ‘Rape, Death and Paralysis’ and, naturally, ‘I Can’t Shit’, doing the business to this album will be sure to make your special other remember this experience for a long time.
Also, i’ve already purchased the album, so win, lose or draw, I think that sport was the real winner here today.
Leviathan – True Traitor, True Whore…. It’s been a rough year. haha
I’m also DQ’d, BUT!
Serious answer: Burning Off Impurities by Grails. Sensuous, seductive, and instrumental.
Less-serious answer: D666’s …Of Wolves, Women and War. Just for the cover. NSFW, y’all: http://www.cultmetal.com/files/D666-1.jpg
Defeated Sanity’s “Chapters or Repugnance”
I like it rough.
Pig Destroyer’s “Terrifyer”
Fucking Nu Shooz
Cathedral´s “Forest of Equilibrium”.
Probably Lil Wayne’s Sorry 4 the Wait because I love to eat my girl’s pussy. “I get ‘er wetter than a wishin’ well, I wish I was in her right now, ’stead of [typing this comment].”
Type O Negative: Unsuccessfully Coping with the Natural Beauty of Infidelity.
GG Allin: “I Wanna Fuck The Shit Out Of You”
Alternatively, David Allen Coe: “Fuckin’ In The Butt”
Gotta go with “Fucking in the Name of God,” by Mysteriis.
DQ’d, but I’ve found nothing gets a nice girl in the mood quite like some Dragged into Sunlight, in particular Volcanic Birth!
Vaginal Penetration of an Amelus with a Musty Carrot
We are going to make love to Portal “Swarth”, whether we even like it or not. Just so I can win that album
Lords of Acid – Rubber Doll
Steel Mammoth – Nuclear Ritual
boom boom, yeah yeah !
I’m going to tonguepunch the wifey’s doodoohole whilst serenading her with some Satanic Hellride by Hemnur. THEN we can go to Golden Corral.
Most likely Barry White’s Can’t Get Enough, the tone of his voice alone drops panties faster then a couple bottles of tequila. Not the music i’d really love to listen to every day, but hey, you can’t argue with results.
“A New Stereophonic Sound Spectacular” by Hooverphonic. She will thank you.
Well, time for a little something different. I won’t try to out-grim or out-sick the rst of you grim, sick bastards. So I’ll go with L.A. Guns’ Cocked and Loaded. It’s an hour long, so you can do it twice, and even gets a little mellow in the middle so you can have a smoke and jrecover for round two. Seriously, you gonna knock a song called “Sleazy Come, Easy Go?”
Tom Tom Club.
anything lana del rey…
Lulu. On the kitchen table.
I could just imagine that lucky lady talking like Woody Allen on his cellphone at a Limp Bizkit concert.
I AM THE TABLE
The Monkees – “The Birds, the Bees, and the Monkees” It’s a hit every time.
Tesseract – “One”
She likes Dan’s voice, and syncing up with the beat is just as rewarding as it is challenging
And for girl #2: eyehategod’s “Dopesick”. Deaf girls are sexy.
Goatwhore – Blood For The Master
Alright just kidding…
The Devil’s Blood – Fire Burning
Do I really have to explain?
The Sailor’s ‘Punch my arse with the fist of your cock’
Kool Keith “Sex Style”… duh
riboflavin flavored, non carbonated, poly unsaturated blood….for our master
It’s party time Jerms. Get your tongue off of Ben’s pee-pee hole, fanboy!!! GOATWHORE REIGNS SUPREME!!!!
Hell – II
Cheers me and the wifey up!
Sisqó – Unleash the Dragon
obviously…
Lovage.
Thank you Mike Patton.
That’s a good one. Stroker Ace is bad ass. Since it’s also the name of a Burt Reynolds movie, that much should go without saying.
“Feel Like Making Love,” Bad Company. Duh.
Carcass – Heartwork
My choice for Valentine’s Day tunes leads me to the often maligned yet in my opinion somewhat meritorious Slayer CD Divine Intervention, namely the 9th track, “213.” I realize that the lyrics are inspired by the Milwaukee Murderer Jeffrey Dahmer and his sadistic habits, (after all the track is named after Dahmer’s apartment number) but that does not necessarily mean that hypothetically lucky lady in my company would necessarily be aware of the song’s lyrical inspiration. Think about it: when you listen to the track there are some romantic parts. The guitars start out slow, giving you enough time to work your game. As the song’s tempo increases so does the passion in the room. Furthermore, the lyrics can be interpreted in a romantic setting. Towards the middle of the song when Tom Araya sings, “I need a friend/ Please be my companion/ I don’t want to be left alone with my sanity” how many single people going out on Valentine’s Day are contemplating these exact same thoughts to themselves? You often hear that the best nights to hook up at bars if your are single is Valentine’s Day or Halloween. Critics get so hung up on Slayer’s violent lyrical content, but at his core Tom is simply crooning love songs for the hopeless romantics out there. For better or worse, “213” requires you to be a smooth and FAST operator. The mood might get weird once the lyrics begin referring to “smooth blue and black lips,” “dead bodies” and “hands around your neck.”
Årabrot – Solar Anus
Agoraphobic Nosebleed-Pcp Torpedo, because if it goes on any longer than the 10 minutes of that album, I am going to need a break.
The woman I am newly dating recently got turned on to Can. I think that Soon Over Babaluma followed by Ege Bamyasi would be a good soundtrack to our night together. The music will come on and I will still be clothed, she will be wearing stockings and a garter belt with nothing else. As I undress she will stroke my cock, pull on my nipple rings, grip my balls, and then take me into her mouth. I will reach down and find her nipple to pinch, and grip her hair at the base of her neck. I’ll draw her up and kiss her as I lightly slap her breasts and pussy. Her hands will find my ass, kneading and exploring. I’ll push her face down onto the bed, tie her wrists behind her back, tie her ankles, and bring her ass up to my face and explore her asshole and pussy with my tongue. Then I’ll stand up and put on a condom, lube 2 butt plugs, one for me, one for her, and place them. I’ll get on top of her, still face down, and enter her. As we fuck I’ll slap her buttocks and tell her how great she feels as she whimpers, moans, and bucks beneath me. As I feel myself getting close to orgasm I’ll untie her hands so she can rub her clitoris. Then I’ll pull out, take off the condom, and come on her ass. After that I’ll untie her completely and we’ll entangle or limbs, cuddle, and talk for a while. After some time she’ll start to play with my cock and once I’m hard enough we’ll go again. By this time we’ll probably have to find another album to listen to.
My wife hates metal music. She thought Iron Maiden was a death metal band. When she hears the term “metal”, she thinks “cookie monster” vocals and Satan. We conceived our precious princess doing the magic dance to Type O Negative’s “Bloody Kisses”. Ever since then she has been really interested in heavy metal and acutually loves Iron Maiden now. So, I guess I’ll try “October Rust” this year and try to create another future “Rock Soldier”. GOATWHORE HAILS SUPREME!!!!!
Behemoth – Demigod
Goatwhore – BLOOD FOR THE MASTER
Autopsy’s “Shitfun”. Need I say more.
One Man Band – James Taylor
OXBOW – An Evil Heat
Dark/filthy/slow/grooving/evil/perfect
Torsofuck – Erotic diarrhea fantasy
Copremesis- Muay Thai Ladyboys
For some serious lovemaking I’m going with 27’s “Closer to You”
But I’m more partial to Jesus Lizard’s “Good Thing” or the Dead Kennedys’ “Your Emotions”
Most realistic track would be, “A Perfect Night to Masturbate” by Traumatic…
Led Zepplin’s IV
I dig it but more importantly it gets my girl in the mood
Either 40 Watt Sun’s The Inside Room or Alcest’s Écailles de Lune because those albums are kinda like the metal equivalent of Mazzy Star; who are the best band for sexing to ever.
Gotta be Intercourse&Lust by Abigail, followed up Sarcofago’s Rotting.
Rwake “Voices of Omen”
Alcest “Ecailles de Lune”
Draconian- Arcane Rain Fell