Meshuggah, 499 dudes, and one girl
. . .
One of my favorite parts of doing this site has been hearing people’s stories. I’m not a good storyteller myself, which is OK because my life doesn’t have many great stories.
“So what do you do for fun?”
“I run a blog”.
“People still do those?”
“I do”.
Clearly, I am single. “But that is a choice”, I tell myself, daily like a mantra. The end.
. . .
I have this topic. I’ll tell my two stories about it, and then I’ll get out of the way because I really just want to hear your stories. The topic is “taking non-metalheads to metal shows”. I’m guessing this doesn’t happen very often because taking non-metalheads to metal shows is like taking (straight) guys shopping. They swear they won’t be bored, but, yes, they’re completely bored, and sometimes they’re also appalled. I guess metal shows can be boring and appalling for metalheads, too, but that’s another matter altogether.
I’ve taken non-metalheads to metal shows twice. Once I took a girl to see Meshuggah. It wasn’t a date. She was just an open-minded friend who didn’t flinch at the idea of seeing metal at a place called The Pound. (I did a retrospective on this San Francisco institution here.) I figured Meshuggah were a semi-safe bet, because they’re not, say, Origin, where shit is really over-the-top, and it’s ridiculous even for metalheads. Meshuggah don’t play too fast, and one can get into the grooves, even if they have weird time signatures. (Meshuggah are good like that.)
The Haunted opened, and it was horrible because (a) Peter Dolving was coming off some injury and was hunched over the whole time, and (b) The Haunted have sucked ever since Dolving returned to the band. So we’re watching this extremely boring band with a hunched-over singer, and I’m feeling awful because it’s never fun to drag your friends to things that suck.
Mercifully, that ended, and eventually Meshuggah went on. It didn’t take long to realize that Meshuggah weren’t a semi-safe bet at all. They are a really, really, really weird band. Jens Kidman has that eyes-rolling-in-the-back-of-his-head thing going on, and he does creepy robot dances on stage. The music is repetitive and forceful, with no choruses to latch onto. So my friend just stood there the whole time, a little wide-eyed. To her credit, she didn’t tug at my sleeve or ask to leave; she just stood there and took it. On the way out, I asked her what she thought. She paused and said it was interesting. When someone pauses and says something is interesting, that means they don’t want to hurt your feelings. So I let it go.
Another time, I took some friends to see God Forbid. I figured God Forbid were a semi-safe bet, because they have catchy songs and look fairly normal. But it didn’t take long to realize that God Forbid weren’t a semi-safe bet, either. It wasn’t because of them; it was their fans. My friends had never seen floor-punching and karate-kicking before, and they found that rather entertaining – much more than the music. So there I was, embarrassed as hell, because the original idea was “a night of heavy metal with Cosmo”, and the actual execution was “hardcore kids doing silly dances”. Ah, metalcore. You were amusing.
Those are my two not-very-good stories about taking non-metalheads to shows. I have not taken non-metalheads to metal shows since. You?
. . .
I took my friend to see Brutal Truth play with Impaled and Insanity. He liked Impaled the best. What’s funny is that the pit started for Impaled and he didn’t know counterclockwise is the way to go in the pit and he went clockwise. He got knocked down and I saw his face literally get stepped on. He was just an open-minded guy who didn’t mind listening to some heavy music he didn’t know anything about.
I ended up weaning him on Nine Inch Nails, Lamb of God, Sepultura, then Pig Destroyer. I don’t think he keeps up with metal at all, but he did legitimately enjoy the metal mixes I gave him.
I took my girlfriend (now my wife) to a Metal show. She was just happy because I was there with her.
I don’t think she would ever go by herself though.
Still she can tolerate me practicing/making music in the bedroom
Me too. My then-girlfriend-now-wife took it very positively when the whole crowd sang along to the choruses, and was amazed at the crowd “activity” going on near the stage…
Yep I am in this boat as well. I took my partner to see Nile last year on the Those whom the Gods detest tour.
She was a bit wary at first, but after a couple of beers and Hate Eternal opening, she was in too it, and before you knew it she was pumping her fist in the air and growling “Arra…Arra…Dagon!” and so on.
She actually really enjoyed it and was very surprised by the amount of females at the gig.
I also took a non metal head friend to see Slayer and Mastodon a few years back, but all he did was smoke numbers and drink rum, but he did venture into the pit for “Angel of Death”.
i’ve taken my wife to industrial shows, noise, various electronic experimental type events…she even enjoyed a hrvatski/pansonic gig a few years back.
but i’ve never taken her to a metal show. there’s just something about the entire deal she hates. (i.e. today is the day is her least favorite band ever, followed closely by pig destroyer and discordance axis)
i wouldn’t want to take her – she’d just not enjoy it. sadly she has no such qualms about our rare outings to those seven guys singing story songs about the 1890s type groups. (i.e. the felice brothers)
My story isn’t really super exciting or interesting, but this summer I brought one of my very non-metalhead friends to Amon Amarth. They’re really catchy and he actually ended up really liking them, asking me what albums to check out after the show.
Amon Amarth live, 2008-2011, probably would have been the BEST metal show to take someone not into metal to in an age. I suspect they’ll no longer be in that category from, oh, about this point onward as they inevitably play larger venues and their musical output/the grind of touring finally finds them on the downside of the “rock band bell curve.”
But for a few years there, it was perfect. A blend of metal heads, both young and old, a few hipsters, a few more mainstream metal fans, bunches of girls (don’t ask me why) and that general “brotherhood of metal” hysteria invoked by Johann in between songs.
A total blast the two times I saw them on “Twilight of the Thundergod.” And, yes, I met up with the keyboard player from my indie rock band, who at 39 years of age had NEVER been to any sort of metal show before. He had a delightful time and it helped him to finally “get” what I’ve been raving about for decades.
Same happened to me. I am a chick (yes, one of the few true metal chicks) and have no female friends into metal. I brought one open-minded friend to an Amon Amarth show and she loved it! But at one point a guy came up to us and asked what we were doing there and if we were spies(!). Guys, if chicks show up at a metal show, don’t put them down for chrissakes!
“Spies”?!?!?! Jaysus, how utterly absurd. I’d LOVE to see a guy pull that on me.
i took my non-metal frens to metal show twice. one is deicide headlining. saw deicide once and benton is wearing full armour with mask so i thot that would be a blast for my frems. turns out deicide not playin and amon amarth took over headline duty. amon amarth is boring so we left halfway thru their set. my fren is far more impressed with the mosh pit than the bands.
2nd gig is destruction/kreator in a real shitty club where the stage is the same height as the crowds. we were late and just in time to catch kreator starting up. venue was completely packed and the moshing were unbelievable. my fren was caught in the pit and quickly move to the side. he was not impressed. he caanot understand how one could enjoy the music while getting piled on by mosh pit meatheads.
conclusion:
taking non-metal frens to metal gig is not a good idea unless they ask to be taken along and even then, the more OTT the bands, the better. black metal bands with full on corpse paints with fire breathing acts definately leave deeper impression than say…a borderline nu-metal band.
taking chicks to metal gigs is bad idea as well. i prefer to be in the front and its hard protecting the girls and headbanging at the same time…unless u’re the type of fans that stay at the back of the room.
I took my girlfriend to see a couple of things. She’s a professional jazz singer so she knows a thing or two about music, but she’d never been to see a metal show before. In fact the heaviest thing I think she’d seen was Primal Scream in the 90’s. I took her to see Dillinger Escape Plan. I figured it was entry level enough, but with plenty of showy musicianship, energy and hooks. I was totally right, she loved it. Loved the mayhem on stage, and loved the technicality and intensity of the playing. The one thing she didn’t like so much, funnily enough, were the poppy hooky choruses of the Puciato era tunes (which made me like her even more).
The best thing I took her too though, whilst not strictly metal, was the Scott Kelly solo acoustic show in London. I had the opportunity to interview him and review the show for a website so was particularly excited before the show.
As the rotund, bearded, baseball capped figure of Scott Kelly lumbered onto the stage my girlfriend was surprised and said “this is the guy?! THATs the guy you were getting excited about?” she couldn’t quite believe that this truck driver was one of my all time idols.
An hour later though, she was totally converted. She loved it’s bleak simplicity and deep resonance (her words). She even went up to him afterwards to say as much. I guess it may have come over as slightly patronising from a tall young, attractive English lady who clearly was not a Neurosis fan/metalhead to tell him he had a great voice. Scott seemed to like the attention to be honest and took it in good spirit.
So when we got home I put on the laptop and showed her this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmdmnnv2NkY
and she couldn’t quite believe it. There was stunned silence, slight embarrassment and awe. “I spoke to that guy?… wow. I completely get it now”.
Awesome
General question: Do men prefer coupling with women who are NOT interested in their music choices?
Also, I took my best friend to see the Kylesa / Mastodon (Crack the Skye) tour. I thought she might dig Mastodon because of that particular album. She thought Laura Pleasants was cool, but didn’t enjoy the show. She was afraid of the fans, there were a lot of dirty looks ( Two almost middle-aged black women), and didn’t understand why I put myself through that stuff, as I am a journalist / photog and attend a lot of shows. I am used to it, she likes to avoid that stuff. I don’t blame her, but she has outright refused to go see anything with me again, even though we were pretty heavy into the Grunge scene in the early 90’s. Also, I like to be up at the front and she insisted that the closest we get was behind the soundboard.
Interesting question, Lainad – while I certainly wouldn’t say it’s been a preference, it has certainly to be the way my relationships have ended up. Then again, the choices are much fewer in metal, and it always seemed like a lot of the metal ladies were always attached to someone already.
That said, my last girlfriend before I found my wife would occasionally go to Opeth shows with me, partly because she knew they were my favorite band, and partly because she had jealousy issues and didn’t want me trying to pick up other women (she’s admitted this, btw, and I wasn’t there to pick up women anyway). She liked artists like The Eels, Cake and Tori Amos, so the Opeth shows were a bit out of element. Typically she would just drink a bit (she rarely ever drank period), and she could make it through.
My wife – well, there’s no hope there. She’s a salsa dancer, and her scope of favored music doesn’t extend much beyond Latin music and traditional Russian folk songs (she’s Russian). I am not big on Latin music, so there’s not much of a trade off where we can do the “you go to my show, and I’ll go to yours” type of deal. I’ve seen some Latin groups with her on vacations (out in L.A., in the Dominican Republic) because I really didn’t have much of a choice. I know that if I were to take her to a metal show, it would be a lesson in futility. The music would irritate her, a headache would come on quickly, and the multitude of drunken people would bother her a lot (she greatly frowns upon drinking considering her cultural background). Opeth would be a decent chance, but she won’t be around when they swing this way. The closest I can get with her musically is if we’re on a long car trip, and we’ll occasionally play the “let’s see how many songs on Robin’s iPod Nastya can listen to.” Not many songs fly for very long.
Still, it doesn’t bother me. To each their own.
On a side note, a friend ‘persuaded’ me to go see Rob Zombie, which I guess to the Revolver crowd could be considered ‘metal’ but I wasn’t into it( yes, a snob I am). The tickets were really expensive, the fans were lunatics but he put on a great live show – but not $55.00 worth). All of his music sounds the same to me but in hindsight, yes, what I prefer versus what I think my friends could handle is probably way more off than I imagine.
My beloved bf is very very happy that I love metal as much as he does; as he says, music is such an important part of his life, he would have trouble on some level being with a person who couldn’t share metal with him. Just listening to music together is wonderful and we do it often.
Taking non-metal folks to metal shows means one thing to me: having to awkwardly explain things which are admittedly pretty damn silly (patch jackets, mosh pits, “the horns”, screaming incoherently at the band after each song).
To spin this around I’ve been taken by non-metal folks to see acts like Billy Joel or Phil Collins and in these situations it was I who felt weirdly out of place. After so many years of going to see punk, hardcore, metal and even underground indie rock shows it was bizarre to see vast audiences of folks overheard discussing the stock market and dressed like they were going to the theater.
I took my girlfriend to Earthless this year, she was into them for about 5 minutes, then just over it, which to be fair I was sorta expecting (though I was enthralled, fucking sensational band). She played on the night like she enjoyed it, but her later recollections have shed a much darker light on her perceptions of the night.
Also took a very straight “beer and steak” bloke to a The Mark Of Cain, and about half way through the second song he just said “I’ll wait in the car”.
as a side note I’ve also noticed that bands that metal folks tend to view as “this would be a good band for my non metal friends) be it Opeth, Mastodon…etc are almost never seen the same way by those friends. In my experience if an individual only listens to radio music Opeth might as well be Anal Cunt.
“if an individual only listens to radio music Opeth might as well be Anal Cunt”
That’s an astute observation.
My only story is not a very good one, I’m afraid. I’ve never been much of a live music fan to begin with. Back when I was still only aware of mainstream stuff (almost ten years ago), my girlfriend (now my wife) took me to an A Perfect Circle show for my birthday. She dresses cute and “normal” and listens to Usher and old Mariah Carey, but she liked some APC songs well enough . . . but even that show scared her. She got a lot of dirty looks, especially from the goth chicks. Some of the goth guys were wearing those Cradle of Filth t-shirts that call Jesus a female body part, which also scared her.
Funny thing is, now she works in mental health, so as you can imagine she comes in contact with goths a lot. I don’t think they’re scary to her anymore, now that she realizes how sad and pathetic they are. But I still don’t think I’ll get to take her to Lightning Swords of Death if they ever make it to town.
uh I managed to drag a couple friends of the “I HATE EVERYTHING THAT ISN’T PUUUURE METAL” persuasion along to a Trap Them show and we all had a good time
does that count
(no it doesn’t)
While not metal, I once took a friend to see noise band Wolf Eyes when he had never heard of them before. He got a bit scared when the singer threw a mic stand into the audience and it hit someone in the face a few rows in front of us. He went and stood in the back when one of the other band members stopped playing and jumped down from the stage to fight someone in the audience!
It was 1999 I believe, I was staying at some guy’s place and I barely knew him (kind of a long story). Hammerfall was in town and he and his friend had tickets to see it, and I was with a girl who was into ebm and stuff like depeche mode and piercings – not metal at all, especially power metal.
Well, we all went to see Hammerfall and when the show started I realized the guy and his friend weren’t very familiar with metal shows, they were very shy and didn’t seem to know what to do (we were all teenagers back then), I thought they were going to go into the crowd, but they stood backwards with me and the girl. And so we all stood there, I guess nobody even moved much, lol… those were the days…
I went to the Yob show with a non metalhead. Close buddy of mine from my college days. We have nothing in common, besides that we get along, because we hail from the same part of the world and while in college we were the only ones out of our circle who were into drugs and heavy alcohol.
Anyway, Yob were fucking rocking the house but he couldn’t have cared less. So he was rolling joints in the restroom because obviously he didn’t care for the music. A bouncer approached me and told me that they had found my friend in the bathroom doing that and that they had given him a warning. Ten minutes later another bouncer came to me to inform me that my friend had been kicked out of the venue because they had caught him rolling another joint in the bathroom. I didn’t give a shit. I just stayed for the rest of the show (a good 45 minutes) while he stood outside the club in the rain, feeling like a dumb teenager that just discovered the joys of pot.
I used to bring my gf to shows too, but she never, ever, enjoyed any of the bands, so fuck it, I just go by myself from now on. When I go, which isn’t too often anyway.
Don’t feel bad about going alone to shows. I usually do. You never know what new friends you might meet at shows cuz you’re pretty much available to party!
stood in the back… I don’t know where “backwards” came from, lol
I can’t say I’ve ever done this. Back in the day when none if my other friends were into metal, I’d go to shows by myself. It was actually quite enjoyable, because I didn’t have to worry about any distractions and could focus on the music. If I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, I didn’t have to, but I often ended up chatting w/ total strangers, which always made things interesting.
Now I have a wife that loves metal (Death, Megadeth and Impaled are among her favorites), so now I always have someone to accompany me to shows and I don’t ever have to worry about attempting to drag her to something she won’t enjoy. It’s awesome.
Ten years ago I met the girl who is now my wife. The first date was going to a concert by a local colombian death metal band, Masacre. I was eager to see her reaction while waiting for her outside the venue, given to the strange-looking people there. To my surprise, she arrived wearing a brand-new black t-shirt, which she bought only for the ocassion. That was the test I have chosen for her, and she thoroughly approved it.
She endured the whole show, being a psychologist laughed at the “pogo” (mosh-pit in Spanish) and had a terrible headache after all was finished.
Since then, she has been with me to Slayer, Iron Maiden and Therion amongst other, much safer bets that those chosen by Cosmo.
I took my wife to see Earth with WITTR opening. She didn’t like WITTR, although I put her through “Two Hunters” on road trips a few times. She absolutely HATED the in between house music, which turned out to be Burning Witch. Obviously, that’s not a bnad for newbies.
“The Haunted have sucked ever since Dolving returned to the band.”
So true.
Like many others, I’ve took my wife (back then “only” my girlfriend) to see a few metal shows. Nothing extreme. Deathstars, Europe (they did a reunion thing last year) and Anathema. Wait, Anathema isn’t metal at all. Sorry about that.
Isn’t it true that most chicks on metal concerts are there mostly because of their boyfriends? I guess there are the obvious exceptions, band that seem to be “girl magnets”; like Cradle Of Filth, Type O Negative, Moonspell, Satyricon (?)..
So if you decide to start play violent Marduk-ish black metal for example, to get chicks..
Think again. All you’re going to get is male groupies. At best.
Sigh. A lot of women do legit like black metal, you know, even the woo scary (!) stuff like Marduk. I personally find Marduk rather dull, but hey. I certainly wouldn’t say “most chicks” are at concerts because they’ve been dragged there by their boyfriends, not by a long chalk – try asking a few female attendees at the next gig you’re at and see what kind of a response you get!
Seconded. In fact, my boyfriend is typically there for me – He’s the one that doesn’t like leaving me alone among the scary black metal-heads. I’d blithely go by myself, no problem, if he wouldn’t be wracked with worry. But it’s pretty easy to tell most people assume I’m there for him, even when he’s clearly bored out of his mind and I’m the one getting all the merch in women’s sizes…
Luckily, my local scene is pretty mellow (strangely enough, for a metal scene) so there’s little need for his worry or the defending of my wounded street cred.
My gf is an Opeth “fan” but couldn’t name two songs if she had to. We went to see them for the second time on Monday, she it enjoyed it as usual, but we were both pretty confused by their choice of set. Not a single death growl. 4 or 5 songs off Heritage, a few off Watershed, “Face of Melinda,” “A Fair Judgment,” and — in the middle of the show — a 20 minute acoustic set with that song from the video game soundtrack, Patterns in the Ivy 2, and something else I didn’t recognize. WEIRD.
Also took her to see Megadeth and Slayer last year. Expected her to like Megadeth, but she ended up asking me for Slayer’s discography after we left. Can’t mess with Slayer!
Metaller in training
I had a clingy neighbor a few years ago who swore he was a metalhead, b/c he liked Clutch and “the metal stuff on Rock Band”…and by Clutch, I mean the derivative blues band they’ve become, not the heavier old school shit…so after months of pestering, I relented and invited the guy to a High on Fire show…he was gone by the end of the fourth song…the volume hurt his ears, and he said Pike was a shitty guitarist…this was after the band blew minds with “10,000 Years” and “Baghdad”…I guess the old saying is true: “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”
Brought my roommate whose mostly listens to dubstep to see that Kylesa, Torche, HOF tour last fall and he had a blast. When it comes down to it we can always both agree on how much we enjoy heady buds and while I won’t say that was the only reason he loved this show, it definitely helped. I likely would have never talked to this dude again after he said Matt Pike is a shitty guitarist
I was fortunate enough to move away a little over a year after the neighbor made the comment about Pike…after he left that show, his zeal to go to metal shows was eternally squashed…didn’t bug me about it ever again…
Took two of my friends with me to Black Tusk/Zoroaster/Dark Castle on the Fourth of July with a head full of mushrooms. “interesting” is a good way to describe that night. One friend LOVES every second of it and thought it would be a good idea to hug all the dudes in Black Tusk as a way of saying thanks for playing. My other friend freaked out in the middle of Zoroaster and ran outside into the street and refused to come back into the club.
Took a sheltered surburban kid circa 1999 to a Bodies Lay Broken (plus some other goregrind) show. Today that kid is a grind band of his own….
I recently went with a friend to Iceage in a very sweaty and beer soaked loft show that Raw Nerve (a Chicago powerviolence band) helped put together. This dude is a recent transplant from Brooklyn and he likes bands that metalheads would refer to as “hipster”, ie; White Mystery, Deerhunter, Beirut, etc. We were only able to catch the last few Iceage songs because were both coming from work on the other side of town. Most of the crowd that came from Lollapalooza left, and only a bunch of punks and metalheads remained. Raw Nerve played last, and he was amazed by how insane the pit was during their short 15 minute set. He then commented on how it doesn’t get THAT CRAZY at shows when he used to live in Brooklyn. I’m glad Raw Nerve won a fan that night.
I once took an open-minded non-metal friend of mine to a small Rompeprop/Fuck The Facts show in Holland (attendance 30-40 ppl). He was actually quite into FTF and bobbing along to their music. But as soon as two guys started to crash deliberately into the ppl who were enjoying the show in their own introverted way (including my friend), he got irritated and started wrestling with one of the guys when he lurched into him for the umpteenth time. Then the inevitable discussion started (whilst Mel Mongeon was still screaming her face off, mind you) whether “he had ever been to a metal concert before, it’s normal here, if you don’t like it just go away” versus my friend “I am just enjoying the music in my own way and others should not impede on that”. In the end it was solved with a handshake and my friend just took a few more paces back and the guys went a bit less crazy.
I just took my sister (who’s never seen a metal show but enjoys Opeth and the like) to a shitty Irish pub in Milwaukee to see a free FALSE show. Crusty black metal, mmmhmm. Probably not the greatest of introductions. At least… it was free? We walked around the block during the local openers, as the sound was beyond terrible.
Just to give you an idea of the flavor of this place: they had 3 of 6 taps operational when we walked in. I ordered a pint of the one that wasn’t PBR or the local PBR imitator and the tap fizzled out. The bartender didn’t even say anything about tapping a new one later, just shrugged in complete apathy like this was normal. You could tell he really, really did not want to be working there that night. Nobody was drinking anything from the bar, just going outside to their black metal beer cases.
This whole time I was expecting her to just want to leave, but we stayed through the show and she did that same “… Interesting” thing that other people have mentioned on the way home. She couldn’t even see the band playing due to the Wall of Huge Dudes, but she probably would have been slightly more amused if she got to see the woman from False freaking the fuck out.
“In the end it was solved with a handshake and my friend just took a few more paces back and the guys went a bit less crazy.”
You should work for the UN, my friend. There’s a bunch of Palestinians and Israelis who need your help!
In the early 90s my friend and I took our then girlfriends to a Rollins Band show, telling them it was a french (pronounced “‘enry Rollin”) Chanson evening.
But it turned out the joke was on us: there was this – very short – period of wide-eyed wonder when on comes a barechested, tattooed berserker instead of some chansoniers, but after that moment passed both went first row and wouldn’t stop swooning over Henry for some time to come …
1. I took my indie-hipster-ish brother to Gigantour a few years ago; for some reason, he thought High On Fire were crap but loved Children of Bodom and Megadeth, which kind of confused me.
2. Took my girlfried to see the Buzzov-en reunion show in Charlotte last year: she thought they were OK, she didn’t really care much for Dark Castle, but she thought Blacktusk and Zoroaster were awesome, so that was pretty cool.
I also remember seeing a non-metal friend from high school at Overkill on their tour last year, replete with Beatles shirt: he seemed overwhelmed, but in a good way, as if he was in awe of the proceedings more than being disgusted or shocked.
So Pinback and Kylesa toured together briefly a few years back, so my Pinback-loving, indie friend and I were like “yay, a show we can both enjoy!” Yeah, she really tried to get into Kylesa. But in the end, the whole thing was just awkward.
You know what’s worse than taking non-metal folks to metal shows? Taking die-hard, walk-the-walk metalheads to non-metal shows.
Took a friend who’s not a metalhead beyond the fact that he digs Iron Maiden to see Coffinworm, a truly repulsive, god-severing live act. The singer wrestled with a dude from the front row during “The Satanic Rites of Count Tabernacula.” My friend loved it. Not a cool story, really.
In December 2004 I took my friend to Slayer in San Francisco; my friend is a hardcore old school hippie who followed the Grateful Dead around in the 70’s and who’s not Metal at all. He’s also an animal rights lawyer and was wearing an Animal Rights t-shirt that showed a monkey being eviscerated in a lab on it. His shirt fit right in. It was right after S.F. had passed the “No Smoking” law for public spaces, but people were openly smoking everywhere inside the venue and my friend marveled “These people just don’t give a fuck!!” We had seats at the very front of the upstairs balcony and at one point during Slayer’s set the entire floor turned around to flip off the balcony because not everyone was standing up (including us) – HAHA! My friend was impressed and waved back. Despite being a bleeding heart Hippie, my friend is very open minded about music and I watched for his reaction, especially during ‘Angel Of Death’, and he “got it”. He was blown away by the musicianship, which is what I was hoping he’d notice. It was a fun night and a cool way to see Slayer through fresh eyes. Also, the show was only 10 days after Dimebag had been killed so the vibe from the stage was intense… At one point Araya broke character and said something about how you always feel invincible onstage.. and before the encore Kerry did a Jaeger shot toast to Dimebag onstage. Intense.
This story is so stupid…
You’ll never know how awesome it is to be umlaut, brah.
true dat. umlaut ftw.
why is it stupid? seems perfectly ok to me!
I don’t have a story, but on a related note, taking metalheads to non-metal shows is (generally) the same thing.
Of course it depends on individual tastes and opinions, but my girlfriend manages to get me to go out to clubs and such, mostly containing top 40’s pop music, and if I’m anything short of tipsy, it’s torture. Thankfully, I’m usually thoroughly inebriated, which is also good for my dancing.
I actually went to Webster Hall during the summer with her, and she went to the bathroom, which is downstairs in what I believe they call The Studio, and a metal band was playing. It’s been a while since I been to a show, so I enjoyed those few minutes I had, even if I looked horribly out of place with my gelled-up hair, and button down shirt.
I took my girlfriend to see Behemoth and Gojira a few years ago (i believe Nile headlined). Despite not being into metal at all, she really liked Gojira because “they shake your guts, man!” She also correctly deduced that Behemoth is super-cheesy live, and despite their ability to play fast, they lack the gut-shaking abilities of Gojira.
A few months later I returned the favor by going with her to see KT Tunstall (acoustic chick rock stuff). I was pretty much the only guy there..which isn’t so bad if you think about it.
lol @ your girlfriend having her “guts shaken”
I took two gentlemen to see Amorphis from Finland. Amorphis was my first love of death metal. I had discovered them by chance in 1992, and even though they have evolved over the years, was really looking forward to seeing such pioneers of European metal. Like you, I thought I had chosen a safe bet. Melodic, beautiful music performed by seasoned musicians who know how to put on a great show. My friends sat there bored in the back, texting friends and waiting to leave as my daughter and I watched in awe of our beautiful Finnish heroes… It was disheartening to see the lack of appreciation for a wonderful art form….
I took a buddy to see Celtic Frost/Type O Negative in 2006. I remember telling him something like “this band will likely not be together much longer so this is your chance to see a classic metal band while you can.” Sadly, it turned out that Celtic Frost did break up and Peter Steele passed away after that. So, his induction to metal shows was the swan song of two giants. In any case, he loved Frost and asked me to rip a copy of “Morbid Tales.” He was so-so on Type O, who were having a bit of an off night. He didn’t become a diehard metal fan but did accompany me to see Nile and was set to see Mayhem with me in the summer of 2009 but had to bail last minute.
I’ve been to some really intense metal festivals like Maryland Deathfest as well as going to metal shows in really dingy places found in sketchy parts of the inner cities, but I do enjoy going out to a non metal show every once in a while. Just last night, while I was dropping off some photos at the Hideout in Chicago, I watched some Polish jazz musicians. It helps keep things interesting.
The most fun non-metal show I’ve ever been to was Gravy Train! and The Cool Kids a few years ago. For those of you who have never heard of Gravy Train!, they’re an electro dance band from San Francisco who sing about having hot gay sex, getting wasted, and eating lots of junk food.
http://2faced1.com/sites/default/files/images/gravy-train.jpg
Anyways, Cool Kids got a good reception. This was before they got big and were called out as “hipster hop” by some music critics. Then Gravy Train! came on, and it became one big dance party. The crowd was predominantly comprised of ladies. Scantily clad ladies. Some random European dude bought me a beer and told me “I LOVE YOUR HAIR!” then puts some of my locks on top of his bald head. It was hot and steamy so the handful of dudes all took their shirts off and one of the dudes in Gravy Train! got naked so his long schlong was helicoptering it the rest of the night. Fucking awesome night.
Wow, I guess I am not surprised reading the comments, but GEEZ, I am a female metal head and am usually in the exact opposite situation! My current boyfriend likes Belle & Sebastian, so you see what I’m dealing with. We always joke that I’m the boyfriend in the relationship, and this is not uncommon for me at all. Part of the problem is that I don’t particularly look like a metal head, so no metal dudes ever hit on me even though I go to shows all the time.
Anywho, I have brought my current boyfriend (who’s a musician) to several metal shows. He thought it was kind of exotic and weird and cool at first, but I think he’s sort of tired of it now. The first show we went to was Behemoth, we’ve also seen Immolation, Sleep (which he actually enjoyed), Black Cobra, Saviours (also liked), Saint Vitus, Red Fang, Kylesa (disliked a lot), Torche (liked), High on Fire (so-so), and a ton of other obscure underground bands (which he hates). At this point, I think he will not accompany me to any more shows unless it’s more rock-oriented. Death and black metal are totally out of the question.
I’ve only taken one female friend to a metal show (see comment above) and that was Amon Amarth. It was hard for me to enjoy the show b/c I thought she was miserable the whole time and (being a girl), I felt really guilty about it. Thankfully, she actually liked it!
Hey! I won’t hear a bad word against (early) Belle & Sebastian… killer band!
‘This Is Just A Modern Rock Song’ fuck the world.
I took my friend from work, a pop music fan, to a Pelican show because I figured it’s probably the “safest” metal show in town.
About 3/4 of the way into their first song she whispers to me “This is the longest intro to a song I’ve ever heard!”
I informed her that they’re instrumental, to which she replied “Then why are there microphone stands on the stage?!”
Pelican’s also the most boring “metal” show in town
Noooo…say it ain’t so… I have seen Pelican 3x and I have loved every second of them, even the tour supporting their most recent on Southern Lord. I’ve made my piece with the drummer’s style and ability and am past that. There have been few more transcendent moments in my life than when they played “March to the Sea” the first time I saw them as a headliner.
But I get a lot of funny looks at shows (I’m always one the older guys hanging out in back because I don’t know anyone that will go see a show like this).
Great topic, as usual on this fine blog. Carry on.
“In case the inspiration hits them”
hhahaha nice one.
Hey! I will defend that first EP with my life.
I liked it, too, but when I went to see them (w/Big Business in ‘04/’05?) I’m pretty sure they didn’t play anything from it and the drummer was so terrible I went outside for a while. It’s not like it’s complex drumming, the guy couldn’t even keep the beat.
To each their own.
So who are your favorite drummers then?
as far as fairly similar bands, Aaron Harris has always been tight as hell (even when Isis got bland). otherwise Danny Walker, Ben Koller, Gene Hoglan, Brann Dailor (pre-Crack the Skye b/c he’s been awful since), Des Kensel, whoever drums for Deathspell Omega, Will Scharf (and also his predecessor in Craw whose name escapes me). that’s a pretty good list I guess.
as far as fairly similar bands, Aaron Harris has always been tight as hell (even when Isis got bland). otherwise Danny Walker, Ben Koller, Gene Hoglan, Brann Dailor (pre-Crack the Skye b/c he’s been awful since), Des Kensel, whoever drums for Deathspell Omega, Will Scharf (and also his predecessor in Craw whose name escapes me). that’s a pretty good list I guess.
Oh and most importantly, Christian Vander.
as far as fairly similar bands, Aaron Harris has always been tight as hell (even when Isis got bland). otherwise Dale Crover, Danny Walker, Ben Koller, Gene Hoglan, Brann Dailor (pre-Crack the Skye b/c he’s been awful since), Des Kensel, whoever drums for Deathspell Omega, Will Scharf (and also his predecessor in Craw whose name escapes me). that’s a pretty good list I guess.
Oh and most importantly, Christian Vander.
good thing that posted 3 times.
I saw Pelican play a couple of shows supporting the 1st EP at the old Bottom Lounge back in 2003/2004. Good times!
I can’t recall bringing non-metalheads to metal shows, but a lot of friends I recently made in grad school (all writers basically) find me an absurd curiosity: a poet who loves metal. One female friend wanted to do an album trade (she’s supposed to give me some soul records or something but hasn’t yet) so I gave her Remission, Jane Doe & HoF’s Art of Self Defense because I thought they may be a good intro for someone with no clue. Haven’t gotten any response yet.
I took my then-girlfriend, now-wife to see a triple bill of Intronaut/Saviours/High on Fire on … Valentine’s Day night. Yes, she still married me. I did take her to a nice dinner beforehand. So there’s that. Anyhow, the club where this show took place has a balcony with limited (like 20) cushy seats, and we managed to get two, near the bar, with a good view. Yes, I enjoy when I can sit at a balcony for a metal show. Sue me. So things go OK until about halfway through Saviours blisteringly loud set. I’m fine with it, but the lady has a bad toothache and was due for dental work. The volume of the band actually made her entire mouth ache, but she hung in there. Until … HoF came out and was even louder, and, several songs into their set, she insisted we leave otherwise she was going to pass out. We got outside and she was in tears from the pain. I felt like the biggest asshole ever, but she wasn’t upset with me at all and said she never figured two metal bands would cause her to be in so much pain. Trooper that she is, she did go back to see Nachtmytium/Torche/Boris AND Eagle Twin/Sunn 0))) with me. But she’s always way more amused at these shows than impressed. her training continues.
I’ve never taken a non-metalhead to a metal show. I’ve taken someone I know to was mostly into hippie type music like Phish to hardcore shows though.
If I recall correctly, there was a Kill Your Idols show and also a Good Clean Fun show. All of the bands with them were of the typical old school hardcore variety, fun atmosphere, no metalcore dance moves. He thought they were good shows. He wasn’t much into the faster styles but he liked the fun environment.
I also took him to a Rollins Band show, that is a lot more of an intense environment not only for Rollins performance but also the muscleheads that always seem to populate his shows. He liked the bluesier elements of Rollins music but was not interested in the crowd so much.
Sorry, my stories aren’t too much better.
My wife shows no mercy. I remember going to a mixed punk/thrash show back in the 80s, with like 10 bands on the bill. Death Angel played, and she just laughed, “look at all those little phillipinos on stage head banging!” (this was the 80s after all).
We went to see Nirvana, and she got drunk with her friend in the parking lot and slept in the car. Missed the whole show.
The one I’ll never live down though is Living Color and KingsX over in Davis. To this day she’s like, “why are you listening to all this hard rock again? It’s like back in 91′ when you were hanging out with your loser/rocker friends and you took me to that awful concert in Davis.”
Be glad you are single
David
My wife is planted firmly in the jazz/folk/singer-songwriter camp. She refers to all of the stuff from the metal & hardcore spectra as “that loud angry crashy-bangy music that makes me feel all tense.”
My previous girlfriend was much more receptive to loud music, but apart from Black Sabbath, didn’t really get metal or hardcore. All of her friends were in noise rock bands and that was okay, but when we saw Buzzov*en and Harvey Milk (two different shows), she just was not into it. Damn hipsters.
My story starts with me going to Roskilde Festival. I’ve just turned 16, and I’m excited because I’m going to see Meshuggah and Morbid Angel – Meshuggah being the band that got me into “real” metal.
I end up attending both concerts by myself.
About six months later, I and four friends decide to go see Marduk. Only two of us, myself included, have actually listened to Marduk, or any extreme metal. One of us is mostly into rap and hip hop. Another is really into deftones and korn, but never really got any further. We’re between 16 and 18, and we borrow my mom’s car. Before taking off, we decide to attend the concert wearing corpse paint. It seemed a great idea at the time.
I think the concert was probably great – this was in 2004, where Marduk had just released Plague Angel, my personal favorite – but I don’t really remember much of it. The thing I remember is some dude walking up to us before the concert to say something like:
”You’re not really supposed to wear corpse paint at concerts, even though the bands is. If you had to, at least you could have gone all the way, not just painting your face white!”
I don’t think you could tell, me wearing the classic Maniac style paint with the black stripe across the eyes, but my face was pretty red after that comment.
I don’t think any of the other three have ever been at an extreme metal concert since.
Maybe out of fear of being recognized.
None of us have ever spoken a word about it to each other since.
Once again: Metal is not about fashion or trends or image, but don’t you dare wear the wrong thing to a concert.
and NEVER wear the shirt of the band you’re going to see.
but otherwise, non-conformist all the way!
Haha I’ve noticed that this rule has fallen by the wayside in the last few years.
Maybe if they remake PCU a new generation can get the rules straight.
My last year as a teenager, I was in love with this girl who listened to Chingy and said things like “hop in the whip and bounce to the ave.” She’d never heard any of the bands, but I bought her a ticket to the Motorhead/Morbid Angel/TITD tour on the off chance that she’d go. She didn’t go with me, but she snuck in during MA’s set and surprised me with a bear hug, stayed with me the rest of the show about 10 feet from the front. Then we went out for seven years. She saw Deceased with me before I was in the band and had a blast in the pit, this 5 foot, 110 lb. totally non-metal person. At a different show we invented nose-moshing. Guys in patchy denim vests gave us disgusted looks that I’ll cherish forever. I think she actually hated 1349 and Goatwhore a little less than I did… anyway she rules, and it was awesome going to shows with her. Now I’m dating a girl with tattoos of the cover of Nucleus, and Dee Snider’s autograph, and “METAL” in big spikey letters, and uh…it’s pretty awesome.
The first person who took me to a metal show was my mom. She is a classical musician, and while some of the music she plays I consider to be brutal and heavy, she is not a rocker or metal head by any means. Before I was old enough to drive, she was the only person in my life who could drive me to the city for shows. Some of the first shows we attended included Grade, Propagandhi, Zao and Pennywise. She wasn’t a convert, but at the very least she was amused and impressed by the energy & devotion of the crowd. It’s been a while since she’s been to a show with me. Admittedly, I’m trying to convince her and my dad to come to Opeth. My dad, in jest, growls along with my music. The funny thing is, he’s pretty good at it.
When I met my boyfriend in college, he was listening to bluegrass and indie rock (blech). In his early teenage years, as part of the so cal surf and skate scene, he had listened to Slayer and Iron Maiden and was thoroughly amused, but never delved into the metal world beyond that. I played him Carcass, Enslaved and Sleep and he fell in love. I unveiled my music collection to him, and he thrived. I took a break from discovering music for a couple years and he took the reigns and started introducing me to tons of stuff. It was awesome. Although I was more of just a catalyst, I attribute him as my only success story in turning someone on to metal. We attended Wacken and it was just magic watching him frolic in the pit for Cannibal Corpse and Slayer.
I try relentlessly, but am terribly unsuccessful in convincing non metal head friends to go to shows. At my best, I’ve played Carcass for some and had an ‘I totally dig the guitar solos, but can’t stand the vocals’ response.
From my experience:
The best ‘gateway drug’ show for a non-metalhead is: Tool
…and the gateway tool for the best non-metal show is: drugs
I’m taking an indie rock friend to see BTBAM and AAL in November. He’s into Dream Theater so I’m thinking he’ll like this and we both play music so he’ll enjoy it on at least a technical level
I used to throw alot of house shows with various mixed up music/bands playing–it worked…sort of. Usually the non metal heads would just hang out front while the blasting commenced. Metal bands usually got the cops called the fastest (although when Pussygutt (now Wolvserpent) played at my house the cops didn’t show up. I couldn’t believe it cuz her bass rig was up to the ceiling.) Anyway, I’ve done this many times with mixed results. It depends on the people and their openmindedness. Guys who aren’t metalheads are much less inclined to give it a try while women are refreshingly open. Additionally, I’ve also wondered why Latinos or African Americans don’t really dig heavy metal. I think the genre suffers as a result. I do clearly remember taking a friend to a Eyehategod show and being on the receiving end of a lot of worried looks. I tried to ply her with beer and the like to limited success. She gamely endured, and even dropped this gem which I’ll never forget: When asked about her lack of tattoos she replied, “It’s the same reason you don’t put bumper stickers on a Bentley.” Hard to argue with that logic.
Please introduce me to this Bentley of a lady!
I took a non-metalhead friend of mine to a Jag Panzer/Iced Earth/In Flames show several years ago. It was at the Great American Music Hall in SF, one of my absolute favorite venues. We both liked the show, but I have to admit that because my friend, who had lived in the Bay Area for several years, was about to move away to New York, we spent a lot of time talking (yelling into each other’s ears) the whole time rather than watching super-intently. We were up in the balcony, so not bothering people with our talking.
He was amused and interested in the show, though, and in the fans. I don’t remember specifics anymore, but he was happy to have gone.
Took my then girlfriend/now wife to a few shows back in the day. The most notable was A/C. The fact that she still dated me after that (including when they played “Women: Nature’s Punching Bag” amazes me to this day.
I once went with my ex-girlfriend, who listened to mainly indie rock and underground hip hop, to see Dark Black (a trad metal band from Portland, OR). Actually, she was the one who discovered that band and showed them to me, knowing I’d like them. And she was a fan too. She even bought a shirt at the show. She also bugged me to burn her a bunch of Iron Maiden and Metallica cd’s. She never seemed to “get” the more extreme stuff that I liked, though.
Another ex of mine went with me to a local death metal show and she was fine with it, even though the heaviest thing she was into was Nirvana. She was actually a trained classical singer and never appreciated growled vocals, but she did appreciate the guitar playing and drumming.
I took my future wife to a Converge show. It was our first concert together. We were right up against the stage, hugging monitors, when they started. In addition to the endless stream of stage divers wanting to take her scalp off with their feet, she got kicked in the mouth by Jake Bannon and took a hit in the eye from Nate Newton’s bass. We made it about 6 songs in before we had to move back to the bar for safety.
Amazingly she still goes to shows with me, though only the more “middle ground” type bands.
From Wash Jones’ comment here:
http://www.invisibleoranges.com/2011/06/converge-burning-love-trap-them-frankies/#comments
I have fond memories of (stupidly) standing up front, only to get smashed by then-second-guitarist Aaron Dalbec’s guitar, which was immediately followed by a two-footed drop kick to the head by Jake Bannon. Second time I wound up with chipped teeth from a live show!
So it wasn’t an isolated incident.
Would love to see them again, I just can’t find anyone to go with me anymore.
Converge are all about interfacing with the fans!
My dad took me to my first show for my 14th birthday. I made him take me to see Unleashed, Broken Hope, and Demented Ted in Chicago. It was a very awkward experience, me being a dorky kid who just got into death metal, and my dad having absolutely no experience with rock music of any kind. Needless to say, he never went with me to another show after that.
This has happened to me too, except that the main band was power metal, and it was all made worse by the fact that a bunch of guys I knew from an old school happened to be there…and there weren’t many other people. Awkward.
I took my totally non-metal friend to see COB, Devin Townsend, Septicflesh and Obscura this summer. I was desperately in need of someone to go with and she was my last hope. As soon as the word “concert” crossed my lips, she jumped up in her seat and excitedly asked “Will there be a MOSH PIT?!?” (remember, she is totally not at all metal.) I was surprised as hell and confirmed that there would be, so she agreed to come with me.
Once there I gave her a primer on what to expect in and out of the pit (we’re both short females so there was a lot of info to give) and we got separated pretty quickly in the venue. I worried a bunch that she’d have been upset or something, but she is very tough and it turned out she had the best night of her life (her words!), and even started a pit. She still isn’t a metalhead, but she loved the atmosphere and would go with me to a show again anytime.
Once took my girlfriend and her sister to catch Khanate in Montreal. My girlfriend (not a metalhead) got hooked by the whole set while her sister was falling alseep, still standing up. The same girlfirend also managed to digest Sunn0))) once. She liked Skepticism and the likes.
Old jaded metalhead advice for the youth:
One thing remains a certainty, avoid metalheads for girlfriends. You don’t want your loved one to headbang, sweat and pogo-around along with brutes in a moshpit. They’ll smell like beer and order patches for their denim vests next morning. They’ll get ugly tattoos all over their breast and use curse words to describe everything. Girls into metal also have the tendency to act like guys over too many things. Of course I generalize but I’ve seen/been with a few to tell you the clichés aren’t all false.
Get a girl into rock/alternative stuff, classical music or electronica; you’ll thank me for that later!
What a stereotype.
I don’t know where you are hanging out, or who you associate with, but that’s like me saying that all white guys in Metal are sexist, racist homophobes.
About 95% of the women I know – especially those who are industry workers (journalists, PR, musicians, etc) – do not fall into those categories. They are smart, educated women who don’t feel that they have to act like a ‘man’ in order to be seen as a legitimate fan. Isn’t metal supposed to be a ‘community’ where you are accepted based on the music you prefer, and not what your gender is or what you look like? But on the other hand, if you are afraid that your partner might act more like a man than you do, or you want a relationship where you are free to escape with your male buddies for a caveman-type social gathering to look at girls with tattoos on their breasts but then go home to Betty Crocker than yes, maybe you should avoid female metal fans as potential partners.
You are awesome, Lainad. I wish we could hang out. I was thinking so many of these things when reading that response. And my problem with taking non-metal friends to metal shows would be that most of my friends of color are quite uncomfortable in spaces where they clearly stick out, due to all the things they have had to deal with growing up/etc, and while I still get a rush when there’s a feeling of comraderie in the audience, I am always worried about some knucklehead ruining the vibe with some stupid racist shit. Hasn’t happened to me – but I’m conditioned to expect it, I suppose.
“What a stereotype.”
Yeah, well, most persistent stereotypes are true empirical generalizations. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. Anyway, even if the stereotype in question doesn’t hold true, you don’t undermine an empirical generalization by citing personal anecdotes.
“Girls into metal also have the tendency to act like guys over too many things.”
What the fuck is this supposed to mean?
That they should act like WOMEN?
And what the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?
Oh look, I’m swearing, like a man.
So your advice to the youth is to date someone you can dominate?
Why is it that you don’t want to date someone that is your equal? Is it because deep down inside, you know that any girl that goes out with you can do better, and you’re terrified that she’ll figure that out sooner rather than later?
Honestly, what backwoods hole did you crawl out of?
“So your advice to the youth is to date someone you can dominate?”
Where in the hell did you get that from his post? His advice to the youth is to date women that would probably more readily align with the preferences that they already have. He has a preference for a certain type of woman and assumes that most other heterosexual males do too. And he’s probably right in that assumption. But where in the hell do you get the idea that having that preference equates to wanting somebody to dominate? I suppose he should just throw out all his personal preferences regarding the opposite sex since it would totally like be archaic misogyny if you’re not indifferent to the type of woman you date, right? Hey, while we’re at it, let’s agree that a heterosexual woman who is not too keen on dating a man who wears dresses and lipstick is a morally reprehensible heteronormative relic of the dark ages. Submit to my open-mindedness!
“His advice to the youth is to date women that would probably more readily align with the preferences that they already have.”
No it’s not. His advice is not to date women who are into metal because they “act like men.” Which is to say they aren’t acting like women. To tell anyone that they should act a certain way simply because they are male or female is offensive. He’s saying that youth shouldn’t date someone that is equal to him, they should date someone that is weak, won’t go into a mosh pit, someone that prefers weaker music, and doesn’t drink beer. Essentially someone weaker, and less manly. Someone that they can dominate.
That’s what I got out of his statements.
He’s not just stating his preference. If he wrote something like “Personally, I don’t date women that listen to metal because they aren’t feminine enough for me” I wouldn’t care. But that fact that he’s acting like he’s imparting his wisdom that we’ll “thank him for later” is offensive.
Care to elaborate or clarify, Eric?
I stick to my original post and the ideas in it. There are generalisations in my post, I agree, but from experience I can tell you that those stereotypes could be used as a ‘general warning’ for most male metalheads dating girls for the first time. They’ll learn by experience anyway… I never thought this post would generate so much reactions. No offense to women reading me, of course, but I like my ladies to be feminine, classy and elegant and couldn’t see much of it in most female metalheads I met in my lifetime; sorry.
Eric, thanks for clarifying.
Honestly, your preference for certain qualities in ladies is absolutely your right, more power to you.
And if you were warning younger men that girls that listen to metal are tough, that’s actually a compliment. We are pretty kick ass, so look out!
But I assure you, the way I conduct myself at an executive director dinner party is completely different than the way I act at a Nunslaughter show. So you might want to keep that in mind before you make assumptions about female metalheads.
Good luck to you with everything you’re doing.
Great stories all around
Well, mine’s a little story that does not fit exactly, but I wanted to share. The most metal bands I listen to are Metallica, Tool and RATM. Started with Metallica and the whole Maiden stuff in the early 80’s. Oh I had a phase with DBC when it came out, but that was really out of the usual. I love all music really so I’m not closed minded at all, but I never liked, enjoyed, bands like Slayer, Pantera, Testament and the likes. I’m into blues, jazz and classical mostly.
Anyways. So, a friend of mine (I’m 40, he’s 52 haha) is really into Carcass and Arch Enemy and he asked me to go with him to see AE last week. And I said yes.
First act was Chthonic, which was interesting, but not mindblowing. And after 3 songs I got it and went to the bathroom (great thing at metal venues, the women’s bathroom are empty and clean!). Second act was Skeletonwitch. Well. Ok. Sloppy a bit, musically it was like a metal version of ZZ Top or something. Not impressed.
Third act was Devildriver. And then, holy shit. I fell in love. I never, ever liked that growling, low voice in death metal. But I don’t know, that band hit something in my ear, in my whole body, it was fanastic! I only wished they played a longer set cause I was really into it. The beats, the grooves, they never let up, it was just great!
Of course, AE being the headliner I expected great things. Unfortunately I got bored out of my mind. I will never understand how come they are so popular. The flag, the symbols, the teen hymns. And the music, well, how many guitar solo can I stand? But hey, that’s just me.
Anyways, sorry to ramble. Just thought I’d share the experience. I’m not a true metalhead compared to you guys. I hang out here mostly because I discovered Cosmo Lee’s series on Metallica. But I’m getting more and more curious about metal, and I am not afraid of the big voices anymore
I remember going to a show at the club around the corner, just because it took place on my (19th?) birthday, with some friends, some of them bein’ pretty non-metal. One of them nearly freaked out because of so many strange people with weird hairstyles and leather pants being around. Good times …
Bringing a “normie,” as me and a few friends call them, to a metal show is always a risk. There’s too many factors that can’t be controlled, especially when it comes to the audience, sound, and set times. I have found that choosing a show with something unique to offer is the way to go. One must avoid the shows where the knuckleheads and and ironic devil sign mockers are going to show up. The smaller, the better. A couple of my recent successes include Mastodon at Slims in SF (Leviathan tour). The band was performing at a level unseen since, and it was obvious to the die hard bluegrass fan I brought. Wolves in the Throne Room playing in Eureka, CA on a rainy evening in a cramped back room of a fish restaurant was a case of perfect mood and setting. When the small setting meets technical mastery and raw energy, the normies will respond positively. Entombed (Unreal Estate tour) with Crowbar at an empty House of Blues in LA with an ex-girlfriend was a disaster. I’m thinking the upcoming Ash Borer/ Fell Voices/ Velnias shows in the Bay Area may be good options for the uninitiated.
Years and years ago I took my girlfriend (now wife) to see Entombed in Toronto. She didn’t even make it through the opening band. She started to feel lightheaded and told me it was too hot and smelly (LOL, that’s metal shows for ya, babe).
My fiance tolerates my love of metal, but I have yet to push her boundaries far enough to let me drag her to a show. Someday perhaps. Honestly, at 4′11″ and 90 lbs, she might die.
A few of my non-metal bandmates have expressed interest, but choosing the right show is tough. Do you go with something more underground/obscure/”better/cooler” or do you go for something more mainstream-metal where you run the risk of the alt/goth/meathead crowd turing them off of metal altogether with the overall vibe of cheesiness? Someone mentioned it above, but there’s so much that we’ve all come to accept at metal shows, that would probably send normal folk over the edge.
The closest I’ve come to this has been with my most recent metal-buddy, whose tastes are more commercial than mine. He’s into old thrash, but also stuff like COB, Cradle of Filth, Trivium, and that kind of stuff. I’m pretty open-minded about cheesy metal, but it’s been fun taking him to see darker, more obscure stuff. I find myself seeing these bands with new eyes as well. At first he found Dark Castle, as a female-fronted doom duo, almost unfathomable, but he ended up way into it by the end of the set. At the Exhumed/Macabre/Cephalic Carnage show last month he got caught up in the energy, charged the pit… and broke his nose in less than 10 seconds! I felt terrible, but at least it stopped bleeding fast… Tonight we’re going to Morbid Angel at his suggestion, looks like I’ve got a lifer on my hands!
I can’t count the times I’ve been asked by guys who aren’t super into metal, “Take me to a metal show!” I should be flattered and open to their enthusiasm (Finally! A dude interested in something I am, right? Cool!), but instead I sort of flinch and think to myself, “Why can’t you just go and check it out on your own? That’s what I did.” I feel snotty, but the thought of having someone tag along who’s not heartedly into it just seems pointless, in tandem at least. Plus, it’s easier to “dance” like a headbanging spazz if it doesn’t seem like anyone’s watching…. Cosmo, interesting idea for a post, I wish I could get through all 107 comments!
i didn’t click on this link for a few days thinking it’d be boring, but these stories are fucking awesome.
only time in my life this ever happened for me was when i convinced my dad to bring me and two other 7th grade friends in 1992 to see the Gods of Grind tour in Frankfurt, Germany – Entombed, Carcass, Cathedral, and Confessor. This was only several months after Necroticism, Clandestine, Forest of Equilibrium, and Condemned had all come out.
we were fucking little pre-pubescent extreme metal geeks with high voices, geeking out seeing members of the bands bullshitting with people (since we only knew them from Metal Maniacs articles etc.). my dad is a total white norm emotionless Air Force dude, with a tucked in polo shirt, jeans, and white sneakers.
needless to say he was the MAN. he kept us from being pulled into the pit multiple times, and the pit was drunken-Euro-violent. he brought us right behind the soundman so we could actually see what was happening (I know how short girls must feel at shows because of this), and cleared ways for us so we could all spend like 40 deutschmarks each (about $30 back then, which was like 2 months of savings for me) on longsleeve shirts. he even enjoyed Cathedral, because this was right when they got all their new members and were starting to get even more rocking and groovy.
that’s my one farily hiccup-free experience, and i think back and realize how insanely cool of a dad i still have!
My wife is welcome to come along with me to any metal show I go to. It’s not her thing, she’s more into indie rock and classic bands like the Beatles, the Who, etc but she has been to a few shows over the last thirteen years. Most notable ones have been Voivod, High On Fire and ones featuring friends. I wouldn’t take her to see any of the old school death metal that I love, as she wouldn’t enjoy herself at a band like Asphyx or Grave, but the offer is always there. Of course, the other problem is that we have two sons under the age of nine, so it takes lots of arranging for us to both go to something together.
I generally don’t like taking non-metal friends to metal shows though, because I feel like I am responsible for them and making sure they enjoy themselves and, frankly, I am not too good at entertaining people at a show. I prefer watching bands either by myself or with any of a handful of close friends. Yeah, it’s a little selfish, but chances are if I am there that I am working in some capacity or I’ve just paid a bunch of money to go out and enjoy myself.
My wife’s family came to see my band once. During our set, we played a montage of horror and gore clips via a projector and they were pretty displeased to say the least. In hindsight, I should have warned them, but they’re pretty open minded, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Well, afterwards, my mother-in-law kept asking me if I made that video (our singer did) and if my band are “woman haters”. She felt that the violence against women outweighed the violence against men (most of the films were from the 70s/80s, so she was probably right, but it’s not like we planned it that way). I’m sure they were thinking “holy shit, who the fuck did our daughter marry!?” But she (my mother-in-law) got our cd put in the public library, so they’re still supportive in their own way heh.
So it’s 1997 and I’m in my first year of uni. Nu-metal is massive and I’m going to see Korn play at the Brixton Academy in London. A school friend of mine is also studying in London and decides that she wants to come too. She is into classical music, jazz and trip-hop and had been exposed to metal through her younger brother who was also attending.
Since we all had standing tickets, we find ourselves a decent spot where we’re close enough to see the band without getting sucked into the pit. The venue is well designed and accommodates this by having a standing area that slopes down towards the stage. After a few minutes, she declares that she wants to go into the pit. Her brother and I look at each other. She’s a petite 5ft 4 and is going to get squashed. She’s insistent and so we make our way carefully down to the edge of the pit to see how things are going. It’s the usual jumping/bouncing/running into people with a bit of windmilling thrown in for good measure. Her brother and I shake our heads but no, she wants to go right into the middle. Shit.
My friend’s brother is about 6ft tall and pretty built, so we link arms and put her between us. She bounced away happily whilst we got to take the full brunt of the pit without being able to use our arms to defend ourselves. Her brother takes his hits without complaint but I have a grimace of pain on my face for the duration. Luckily for me, she’d only eaten an apple all day. She felt faint after a few songs and had to be escorted out by her bro, leaving me to jump into the pit properly.
She never asked to go to a metal gig again. She’d had her experience and was happy that she could now say she’d gone to a metal gig and had even been in the pit.
I took a guy I was dating to see Soilwork once. He about shit his pants. When the pit really got started I tried to get him to come in with me. That’s when his eyes just about popped out of his head when he saw a dude get clotheslined. Needless to say, he did NOT come into the pit. He pretended like he had a decent time after, but was clearly disturbed by it. I learned my lesson. No non-metalhead boyfriends at metal concerts ever again. Too disappointing.
I kind of enjoy showing non-metal heads the dark side. I’ve kind of learned by now it’s more about the energy between the band and audience that dictates whether or not they’ll enjoy themselves. Had the most success with the Sleep reunion, Municipal Waste, and Disfear. Punker end of things I guess, but still, it’s hard not to smile at a trampoline on stage.
@metalcakes
Why do you keep going back to the word “dominate”. He never says that in his post and you make good points right up until you put words in his mouth. And why are you mad that he wants a woman who is less manly then him? He said that he prefers women who aren’t like men? How is that in any way misogynistic? By your logic it would be just as sexist for a woman to not want to date men who wear dresses and lipstick.
@ BS Mitchell
Hey!
I already explained why I said that in my response to “Supreme.”
What I got from Eric’s statements was that he was telling other, younger men to date girls that are weak.
But Eric explained things a little better, and honestly I understand a little bit more about what he was trying to say.
It’s not misogynistic to have a preference of qualities in a potential mate.
But behavior needs to looked at in context. Just because a lady can handle her liquor, jump into a pit, and express herself with curse words, doesn’t mean she won’t use the correct fork at a fancy restaurant.
I took my lady over to see Katatonia, she is pretty open minded and in my book they’re the safest band for non-metalhaeds in the whole metal spectrum. Anyway, she had a good time, found the choreographed headbang by the members of the band kind of cheesy, though, I agree with her. Nice experience!
Next I took her to a Melvins show, where the crowd was full of weirdos, I am a weirdo too, who happens to look regular, that’s the difference, and the evening turned out as expected. She loved the fast, heavy, with a punk feel songs, got bored with the deep cuts. But in her defense,some Melvins deep cuts can be a drag even for a fan.
I recently saw Enslaved, Alcest and Junius (along with local favorite Argus) in Pittsburgh. Originally, it was just going to be myself and my longtime metalhead friend for a night of heaviness, but due to a long and winding series of circumstances, I also brought along my girlfriend, who’s musical interests, while varied and tasteful, don’t really fall anywhere near the realm of metal. She’s been involved in the rave scene primarily, and this was her first *true* metal show. I was incredible pleased that she trusted my taste enough to come along, as well as her openness to experience a vastly different culture then her own.
At best, I was hoping that she wouldn’t entirely hate the experience, and would walk away with a deeper understanding of one of my life’s passions. By the end of the night, she had absolutely fallen in love with Junius (and subsequently post-rock/metal as a whole, even though she didn’t know it yet) and had herself an incredible time, although Enslaved’s set dragged on a bit for her (understandably; it was less focused on the newer, proggier stuff and more on their roots). Her only real complaint was that we didn’t keep our rail spot for Alcest xD
I’ve had experiences where the people I’ve dragged along absolutely hated every second of it and were just counting down the songs until we could get the hell out of there, but this was different in the best way possible. I was so happy that I could give her a proper introduction to a big part of my world, and even more so that she actually really enjoyed herself and found a new favorite band
I’m of the “Patch jackets and bullet belts” metal tribe, but i also really really dig hip-hop, i quite often go to hip-hop shows wearing complete metal regalia, usually goes down quite well, i think it has something to do with Dee Snider being in that Beastie Boys video…if i had a dollar every time someone tole me me to Fight for my right to Party…
I also have been to see The Mountain Goats a few times, acoustic, indie, folk punkish type stuff. Their singer has a huge love of metal and always notices me in the crowd which is kinda cool.
took my gf to see st. vitus a month ago or so…she thought dave chandler was hilarious (which he is) and really had a good time!
I’m taking my friend to see DevilDriver. . . hopefully she’ll be okay HaHa. . . she’s more into rihanna, eminem, etc
I took my friend to a local metal show one time, and he disappeared. I finished watching the show and went out to the car and he was in the passenger seat with the door open puking! I asked him why he was puking, and he said it was too loud. The band was Horus from Wausau, WI. He said he’d never go to a show with me again.
My girlfriend is younger and mostly into mainstream crap like Lil Wayne and some half decent hip hop like 3-6 Mafia. She likes some rock but didn’t ever have much exposure to metal. We started hanging out most nights of the week at Peabody’s in Cleveland. She didn’t pay much attention to the metal bands at first but I think interest in the music started creeping into her a little bit. She started wanting to be there for stuff like Mushroomhead. Then Watain came to town. She was fascinated immediately by the smell of dead animals, the smoke from the oil lamps, the candles, the dark atmosphere, and the vicious music. She watched the entire show and was blown away by the theatrics and sonic intensity. On the way home she said, “I need more black metal in my life.” Conversion accomplished!
Once upon a time. I took a non metalhead to Scion Rock Fest in Columbus, OH (He is a good skateboarding buddy of mine). He shaved an upside down cross into his short buzzed hair while we were pre-gaming before the festival. We went and saw Voivod, Cannibal Corpse, D.R.I.. and a few other bands. Later on, we ended up at an afterparty at a Carabar. Saviours, and I think Locusta played. As we were standing in the crowd, waiting for Saviours to play, the drummer, Scott Batiste, walks through the crowd, and rubs the upside down cross on my buddy’s head. My buddy told me it was weird, hahaha, but we were thrashin’ and headbangin’ through the night. He still goes to metal show to this day.