. . .
I am a whore… Metaphorically speaking, for now at least… But who knows what my bosses will request tomorrow. I do something that I often loathe for at least 50 hours a week just for money.
Many prostitutes are forced into the game by a drug dependency. They perform degrading acts to scrape together funds for their next fix. My jones is not skag or crystal meth or crack. Metal forces me back to the corporate world each day to have my soul crushed.
As a child, my addiction was limited to CDs. However, CDs are a gateway drug, my friends. CDs led to gigs, and before I knew it I was emptying my bank account to travel to metal gigs all over the world.
Corporate prison we stay
I’m a dull boy, work all day
So I’m strung out anyway- Alice in Chains, “Angry Chair”
I envy those who pour 100% of their energies into their passion. Talent and hard work allow bands like Napalm Death to travel the world on the back of their music. It is a tough lifestyle, but surely it is a spiritually rewarding one.
Others struggle for their art, working lowly paid jobs in between tours to put bread on the table. Their energies are saved for their art. This is the story of most of the underground metal bands that we celebrate at IO (see, e.g., interview with John Cobbett).
However, some of my heroes balance metal careers with demanding day gigs. Pig Destroyer riff machine Scott Hull is an IT guru for the US Department of Defense. Tombs’ Mike Hill recently returned to the world of mechanical engineering.
A few weeks ago, a Guinness or two too heavy in a Belfast bar, I bailed up Tombs’ Mike Hill after their awesome set. I asked the fellow engineer how he pulled it off. Hill spoke of a tight schedule – work, gym, practice, food, bed. Rinse. Repeat. That dude is truly filling the unforgiving minute with 60 seconds worth of distance run. He is a better man than I.
The professional life takes me out of my tiny flat in the West Glasgow sky at 7am and dumps me back there at 8pm, mentally and physically drained. You shower the corporate filth off your skin, and you eat. Can you then summon up the energy to live the metal life? Can you write anything?
Too tired from the old routine
- KEN Mode, “Batholith”
. . .
. . .
Still, on the 25th of the month, a bundle of pounds land in my bank account. Immediately I hatch plans for the next month’s adventure. Napalm Death in Krakow? Hellfest in France? Neurosis in Hamburg? Voivod in the Basque Country?
I intended to quit the corporate life when I first left Australia. I will work in London bars like every other Australian in the UK. Gigs and words will fill my evenings. I soon learnt that my desire to combine metal and travel could never be supported on a barkeep’s coin. So I sold out.
I’m putting in my two weeks notice
as of two fucking weeks ago- Tomahawk, “Mayday”
A day wrenched in the works of the machine does not lend itself to the metal way of life. Project milestones and design reviews do not inspire Lemmy to sing upwards into a mic. If Lemmy had to spend an hour with blame-delegating managers or backstabbing colleagues, they might as well be chewing bricks. I am no Lemmy. I had to look for a new job.
On office casual days, I do not wear the “No Fucking Slave” Napalm T-shirt. I stick to the slightly ambiguous Dillinger Escape Plan t-shirt with the Black Flag inspired logo, or the tribal Neurosis hoodie, or the evil woman Roadburn t-shirt.
In general, I do not talk about my metal world to colleagues. If I catch a gig on the weekend, my fellow workers rarely ask the name of the band. If they do, then I really hope that it isn’t the weekend that I attended the Fukpig show. I am proud of my metal heart. However, it’s just not worth the effort of explaining Cannibal Corpse to an office of cats so far removed from that world. Try explaining “I Cum Blood” to civilians and then spending 50 hours a week with them.
I cannot imagine Kerry King sitting in front of his computer drawing electrical circuits for eight hours. Drawing electrical circuits is a good day for me. That is what got me into the game – designing cool stuff and making it work. Unfortunately, my day of designing is usually interrupted by meetings. Reptiles attempt to show everyone in the meeting that they know more than you. Morlocks blame you for the project running late. “You have put this whole project in jeopardy”. Sleep’s Matt Pike would not take that. He would exhale a “fuck this”, inhale the world’s biggest joint, and write the heaviest riff known to man.
. . .
. . .
Matt Pike is metal. Lemmy is metal. Kerry King is metal. The evidence above proves that I am not metal.
But I am metal! God damn it! I am metal. No job can take that away from me.
Whilst suits pass, Nails’ Unsilent Death deafens this worker bee to management speak and painfully unfunny jokes. 14 minutes later, I need to find a longer album. Management can talk longer than a Nails album.
In the better moments of my day, I am at my desk, earphones securely installed. Death metal and grind are not the most conducive to circuit design and calculations. As a consequence, I listen to a lot of doomy and atmospheric metal. Old standards of Neurosis, Isis, Sleep feature heavily along with Altar of Plagues and Year of No Light. Repetition of riffs drops me out of an office next to Glasgow airport. An hour later, useful work sometimes appear. Sometimes not, though.
If not, I stomp out the rest of the afternoon with Narrows’ “Gypsy Kids” (or is it “The Fourragere”?). I have to restrain myself from bellowing “Northwest squall!”. Despite repeated listenings, it is still the only lyric that I’m confident on.
Some days you ease into the morning commute with OM or Earth. Other days you just need a shot of grind before you face the day. Napalm? Pig Destroyer? Actually, Pig Destroyer works at any time of day. Apply as liberally as black coffee.
At those inevitable moments when self-loathing of your sell-out ways reaches a new high, administer lethal doses of Eyehategod or Jesus Lizard. Deep down under that sensible shirt and trousers lies a metal heart that wants to wake up bloodied on the floor of a Chicago bar, or in a pool of vomit in a N’Awlins squat. It is like the testicular cancer patients in Fight Club chanting the mantra “We’re still men. We’re still men”.
We’re still metal. We’re still metal.
. . .
This story hit home pretty hard.
I know a few fellows, aside from myself, that are using their
corporate earned funds to put out grind CDs, LPs, and those 7″s that
we all love, via an independent label they are running.
Funneling corporate whore money into the underground, well, god damn, that’s metal. Whore on.
Hallelujah!!! Pretty sure most of us live similarly.
Thing that kept on popping into my mind while reading this is, “ok, so what is being Metal?” What does that mean really? Does it mean anything different than being “rock n’ roll” or being a true “punk”? Is it just a word for someone being an “individual” who never does anything he doesn’t want to do? Is your experience any different than the guy who doesn’t give a crap about Metal, but couldn’t live another corporate day if the thought of a favorite sport/tv show or book didn’t exist like a carrot on a stick?
Amen to that. Funnily enough, we have a ‘dress down’ Friday policy at my work and I put on the same ND t-shirt, but covered it up with a hoodie. Accident waiting to happen? Correct… I took the hoodie off later without thinking, and walked pretty much around the whole building before having to back up against the nearest wall. Luckily, my colleagues know my love of metal and are a pretty understanding bunch!!!!
I’m sure most people here can empathise with this. My dreaded day job is in a call center for car insurance so i dont even have the balance of being able to listen to music. my soundtrack is the relentless crushing monotony of bleating humanoid morons with the occasional canny sane person and like wise my morning and evening commutes have become vital preparatory and detoxification rituals. Power metal of tunes with a posetive energizing force steel me for the day, dark ambient calms and focuses me. Conversly on the way home horrible twisted metal like Mitochondrion disconects me from the Company Ethos and powerfull triumphant music like Emperor to instill a feeling of having been victorious over the forces of tedium and stupidity like…
“yes sir your insurance has increased quite a bit but getting four times over the alcohol limit, mounting the kerb and hitting a pedestrian will have a negetive effect on your price…..no sir I am not an idiot, I acknowledge that the pedestrian damamged your paint work however you did break the law and seriously injure someone…please moderate your tone and language sir” ect
I just keep reminding myself that each customer I speak to is a step closer to my goals, to make the most of time outside with my loved ones and that no matter what, it could always be so much worse.
Are you me??
Great article, I’m sure this is the life of many of us. And a great way to start the “new life” of the site/blog.
Fuck, come to think of it, I hadn’t posted here for months…
Great post-Cosmo start. Thanks.
Music inspires me to be the person I wanted to be when I was a snotty punk-kid wannabe. The irony of wandering around work with my Eyehategod tshirt with the ‘Kill Your Boss’ print on the back, bought with money gained from working is not lost on me.
Whore? Indeed.
Chickenshit conformist like my parents? Sooo very true.
LOVE the DK reference! Well played.
This is a really good read – great writing. I have to say, though, that if you can listen to music at work and afford to travel abroad for gigs, however occasionally, then you’re still a pretty lucky dude. As for the boring colleagues and tedious management speak, I totally commiserate.
Compellingly written – hope to read more from you!
(written from my school music technician’s office/cupboard)
I spend nine-and-a-half hours a day drudging through extremely menial and soulless accounting work. It is made infinitely more tolerable by the fact that nearly every minute of that time- aside from when phone calls or coworkers rudely intrude upon my time- with my headphones connected to Death.fm or some similar outlet. I’m fairly certain that when some vendor calls whining about their unpaid invoices, or some underling drops by to ask for advice on sorting documents or some drearily mundane trash, they were interrupting Cemetery Urn or Mortuary Drapes or whatever.
I otherwise don’t really let the two worlds intermingle, although over time I have accumulated a couple songs’ worth of writing towards a goregrind album I hope to put together some day- in which the narrator is a serial killer who daylights as a mild-mannered accounting clerk…
Oops, missed a bit there. Where I said “they were interrupting,” I meant to say; “they have no idea that they were interrupting.” Hopefullly that makes a bit more sense.
Excellent post! Sets a good standard for the future of the site!
Very well done! I’ve had a similar post cooking in my head for quite a while now, but it looks like you’ve beat me to the punch here. Keep up the good work!
Great prose, mate!
Add to your story that I have a wife and baby, and a bloody tinnitus that prevents me from enjoying more than 1 hour of listening (not hearing) per day…
I would not get through the work day without metal. You’d think, as a librarian, that I would have a quiet, easy job but it’s mostly mind-numbing clerical tedium interspersed with angry patron and neurotic managers. Without bands like Asphyx, Immolation, and Napalm Death, I’d never get through it. So, at my review last year, when they asked me not to listen to such abrasive music at my desk, I said no. And they surprisingly backed off.
Hey. I’m a librarian too. One unbelievably awesome aspect of my job is that I have my own office. The walls aren’t exactly soundproofed (my next-door neighbor says it sounds like I’m having a mini rave all day), but it’s still pretty awesome.
As for wardrobe, I dress like a librarian. We have no casual Friday when I get to wear my Eyehategod t-shirt. My boss doesn’t even let us wear jeans. I look like any other workin’ stiff as I was never really into long hair anyway. I never identified with the metal look. To me, it’s just a uniform like the (metaphorical) one I already wear for work. People are always so surprised when I tell them what kind of music I’m in to.
I work as a pizza delivery driver on the weekends (because I’m in debt up to my eye-balls). Since I’m in my own car for most of my shift I’m fuckin’ blasting my music. One of my favorite things to do in this world is blast metal at top volume when I’m crusin’ around in my car. If any of you need a mindless job, I highly recommend pizza delivery. They’ve never made me do this: http://instanthumanjustaddcoffee.tumblr.com/post/7943513779
Most of my ‘day job money’ goes towards paying for my own band’s stuff — recording, gear, renting a rehearsal space, etc. Between that and the dismal job market here, I’ll probably be sucking the corporate penis for quite a while.
Re: dress code. I too am prohibited from wearing jeans or t-shirts, the two main elements of my wardrobe outside of this place. But although I wear a button-down oxford-style dress shirt pretty much every day, I only have them in darker colors or patterns (I.e. not white or anything see-through) which allows the Cannibal Corpse or whatever to serve as an under-shirt, instead of the usual plain white tee (or wifebeater, even).
dude, this song is made just for you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfA10xAmAEI
As some readers have remarked, there is no such thing as metal as a life style; judging from what we know some musicians have to go through labor-wise in order to continue making music, I can safely say that this life style is just a myth for almost everybody.
Personally, I take metal music very seriously because it gives me a different perspective on which I can analyze things in my life, and also because it is one of the most mentally demanding music styles ever created. I am not sure whether it fits what is known as being a true metalhead, but it works fine for me on every level.
But isn’t great when you unexpectedly find some like minded soul at your workplace? After months at my current job it turns out one of the blokes harbours a passionate metal past and a more hidden metal present. You never know what people are hiding behind their shirt and tie.
First day at my current job, at a major catholic university (ironic, ah?), while breaking the ice with my boss, he asked me about my pastimes. When the topic of music emerged, I was dubious as to telling him the truth, so I said I was interested in rock music, things like Pink Floyd and similar stuff. Next, we were discussing metal, given that he has a sizeable music collection, plays guitar, attends gigs and wears the black t-shirts on weekends.
Wow, this was great.
I’m stuck with one of these gigs too.
Talk about inspiration to make the most abrasive music you possibly can.
A little bird told me that Matt Pike has to do construction when he comes home from tour. EVERYONE makes concessions, whether it’s selling your music to a commercial or making your band a part time thing.
“Selling out” goes WAY back: Shakespeare started writing plays because his real art (poetry) was not paying the bills. What a fucking shame that was, right? Every real artist stomachs some bullshit and the people who cry foul are usually the ones who never tried…
I heard the same story, though I heard he was finally able to make enough off of metal to finally quit the day job after signing to E1. I really hope that’s true!
Brilliant! You guys need to check out this guy’s website. Noise Road is pretty much a perfect blend of concert reviews, travel blogs and witty prose.
It is fairly normal for musicians and metal fans alike to have corporate or service industry jobs to sustain themselves, at least here in Chicago. It’s really an individual matter of prioritizing one’s time and swallowing one’s pride.
In my case, I work as a graphic designer during the weekdays and at an arthouse theater during the weekends to make ends meet. I do all this whilst occasionally contributing articles and photography to IO and some other websites. On top of that, I’m also doing occasional band merch designs, which in my case, isn’t exactly profitable. And I also have to take care of two of the world’s bumliest roommates ever (aka my dog and my cat). It’s rough to have to bend over to be life’s bitch, but not having food to eat is far worse!
I’m a service technician. My day consists of 2-4 hours of paid driving by myself blasting music. When I get to job sites I switch my music to headphones. I usually end up with a well earned headache by 4 o’clock. Its great.
Jesus. These wage slave stories make me appreciate how much I enjoy my job. It’s something i find quite strange. Some of you go through enough tedium and minutiae to make you want to murder co-workers (or at least foster a profound hatred of man), whereas my work directly supports the elimination of other human beings and it’s more or lese pretty chill. Not sure if that’s irony or tragedy.
Really loved this article. Escpecially dropping in songs and albums throughout. Went and listened to Gypsy Kids, Batholith, and Mayday as soon as I was done reading.
Couldn’t have put it better myself. The day job pays the bills and keeps my music addiction going strong. I keep a steady daily soundtrack for my workday, too, which relies heavily on Anb, Pig Destroyer, Assuck, Napalm Death, and Brutal Truth. Thanks for the great post.
I really shouldn’t complain about my job (production company at a massive film studio), but I’ve essentially stuck with an entry level position for 7 years so I can have the flexibility to play in a band. It’s really not that bad, but you can only fetch so many coffees before you want to piss in one. And even though I make a lot more than when I started, I still make jack shit.
My current mantras in the wake of everything else going on in the world: at least I have a job, at least I live in America where my complaints are relatively minor, at least all my limbs work properly, etc etc. Maintaining perspective is my key to getting through the day.
I’m trying to get my foot in that industry in LA. Not too much success yet.
Won’t lie, it was really hard when I started, and it’s a lot worse now. Last time we had an opening we got 500 resumes in the first hour of the job listing. We interviewed a couple people, but wound up giving it someone the boss already knew. Pretty depressing.
Yea, everyone I know has told me the gas Hollywood runs on is nepotism. Which I guess means I just need to crash more parties.
I’m a cube monkey but actually enjoy what I do. And my ’spare’ money goes to the label. Very cool blog post.
Agreed. It’s interesting, though, as I’ve noticed that a lot of “metal” folks are employed in corporate or computer/office jobs. This always trips me out — I would never dream of going there, but alternatively I am stuck in the dirt (literally, or scrubbing toilets), waiting tables, or fondling PhD programs that seem like bullshit when it really comes down to it. And this sucks too. Ultimately, I feel like…..hmmm, for lack of a better description…embodying an anti-establishment stance (or staying “true” to one’s deeper intentions) in one’s day-to-day grind is pretty much impossible. Answers? Ideas? How can one reap the best of both worlds?
ps: In regards to the Matt Pike-construction working thread: Q: What’s the one profession that gets more pussy than a rock star? A: a Bartender. Imagine being both! Whoa…..!
I’m a brewer. My boss likes Slayer, but not as much as he likes Maiden.
Most of my friends work in some kind of IT. Software QA seems to have a great deal of metal heads working in it.
Oddly when I worked as Sony Music Europe as a web producer I was the only metal head in the entire building of 500 people. People looked at me kind of odd sometimes if I wore a band shirt in. Which I thought was odd given that it was a music company.
Hey man, great post. Really hits home with me, as I work 7 hrs a day (or as I like to put it – they buy 7hrs of my time off me) dealing with the human race in a call centre for a bank. As much as I hate it, it allows me to pay for the things I really love in life, gigs, booze, my bands. Its a necessary evil, although if I could make a third of what I make through the day job via the band, and have to live hand-to-mouth because of it, then I’d trade it in within a heartbeat.
But what really made the article hit home? Fukpig are one of my bands
Perfect article.
Replace west-Glasgow with the east side of the city, and you essentially have my thoughts every. single. day.
Will check out the Noise Road website when I’m not stuck in my shitty little factory office [insert humourless laugh here].
Holy mother of jebus ! You hit me something fierce, right on. shit !
Hi my name is steffen, i have been whoring for 11 years..
Awesome read…does hit home hard…as a banker and a bass player the phrase I AM METAL rings in my head everyday…while I sit in a suit talking to clients about deals for $10 million dollars…but actually thinking about the new set list and any coming gigs. Sleep is an everyday ipod choice while crunching numbers. It works…no idea why…
Awesome read.
This blog here is some of your best work Moods.
I’m f*cking depressed reading it, and then again, I’m alive knowing I am a metal head.
Cranked Zyklon on the way to work this morning, was tired and slightly hungover from the weekend.
But metal is like pouring a doppio ristretto with 2 sugars into my ears.
Let it flow.