He's got another thing comin'
. . .
Judas Priest’s Turbo turns 25 today. I’m not sure if that calls for a celebration or an egging. Metal orthodoxy says to egg, but damned if I don’t love this album like I love lots of things that are bad for me. If in 1986 you told me, “Mutt Lange-produced Def Leppard wrote the soundtrack to Top Gun“, pre-pubescent me, Kelly McGillis-inspired boner fresh in mind, would have said, “Sign me up – pronto”. Instead, I missed this record completely. I was too busy exploring teen angst with thrash and so on and so forth.
So I hold no nostalgia for Turbo. Instead, I observe it with the fascination I have for any object from the ’80s that’s survived to this day due to being made of plastic. Rob Halford with hair! Wearing Bon Jovi fringes! Singing to screaming, big-haired girls! I wish I could have misspent my youth on that. Instead, I’m misspending my adulthood on it now. If it seems like I write about a lot of geezer metal now, it’s because (a) I am a geezer, and (b) I missed a lot of this stuff the first time around. I’m going back and finding out that it was even more awesome than I thought.
As for actually talking about Turbo, my colleague Adrien Begrand wrote the book on it here, if there’s a book to be had on the subject. (Weirdest 33 1/3 book ever? Do it!) Meanwhile, I’m busy having a Turbo YouTube party. (Yes, I have no friends.) Here are alternate looks at some of the best worst music ever.
. . .
TURBO: THE UNOFFICIAL VIDEOS
. . .
“Parental Guidance” (live 1986)
. . .
The opening riff is an amazingly blatant rip-off of Def Leppard’s “Photograph”. I could listen to riffs like this all day long. In fact, I do. How much time did K.K. Downing and Glenn Tipton spend practicing synchronized guitar waving? They’ve done it for literally decades, so I imagine that it’s an integral part of rehearsals, right after warmups and stretching. I call it “Twin Rock Warrior Pose”.
. . .
“Turbo Lover” (live 1986)
. . .
You only wish that your stage set looked like a giant slot machine that’s actually a robot with a fully-functional grabby arm. Also, “aviator sunglasses + wind machine + scandalously low neckline” is a pretty good look for K.K. Downing.
. . .
“Turbo Lover (Hi-Octane Remix)” (featuring Coco Austin)
. . .
You actually don’t need to see this video. That is, unless you want to hear a remix of “Turbo Lover” that doesn’t do much except make it a little worse. Also, if you want to see big butts and big breasts, you are in the right place.
. . .
“Locked In” (official video)
. . .
This is actually an official video. But no one knows it about since the “Turbo Lover” video is much more famous. It is further proof that every ’80s metal video was made by the same director. That director was obviously frustrated that he wasn’t good enough to make B-grade horror movies. But when he found out that the magic formula was to throw in dancing girls with big hair and an inexplicable short, fat guy – boy, did bands knock down his door.
. . .
Not a very good album, though I have heard much worse, even by Priest. (Demolition comes to mind). On a positive note, they rebounded rather brilliantly after Turbo and Ram It Down with the mighty Painkiller. The videos are hilariously awful, but then again look at Ozzy and Sabbath vids from the 80s, let alone substandard mainstream bands like Poison and Motley Crue. All in all, I don’t find Turbo (nor Point Of Entry) THAT offensive. I was there the 1st time around by the way, I can understand it must look hideous to current day teens or 20 somethings.
“Yes, I have no friends.”
Being a thoughtful metalhead is not exactly conducive to having friends. I know.
There are some catchy tunes on Turbo, but man, the drum sounds are the worst. They have a mid-80’s ZZ Top thing going on “Locked In.”
Has there ever been a Judas Priest video that wasn’t terrible?
I mean, yeah, Turbo hasn’t aged well at all, but seeing Judas Priest on this tour (robot and all – with Dokken as the opening act no less) was my first metal concert, so I have a soft spot in my heart for it.
The only JP record I’ve ever genuinely gotten into is Painkiller. I’m sure that had something to do with my obsession with thrash during my misspent youth. I’ve given the others plenty of spins, but have never been completely taken by them. I did the same thing with Sabbath for a long time but eventually came around. Now, I LOVE all that old stuff. I think I’ll try again with Priest.
This does not mean I will be looking into Turbo anytime soon. I recognize that Priest were writing some GREAT radio hits during that era. It goes without saying that that’s not what I’m looking for out of Priest. I think I’ll start with Stained Class.
@Cliff Evans – saw the tour too, with Dokken opening! But this is a terrible Priest record, possibly their worst!
I was already moving onto Punk and Hardcore after Screaming for Vengance. Turbo only seemed like a hair band marketing tool. This was also about the time Glen and KK started using the funky shaped Hamer guitars. I would always prefer to see Glen with a Gibson SG and KK with a V. But yeah, I’m an old fart.
@ Miskatonic
I thought I was the only metalhead who didn’t “get” Priest. I understood Sabbath right away, and have always loved it, but I had that same experience with Maiden of not getting it the first time around.
I’ll always remember, back in the 80’s, how it was mostly the jocks that listened to this album. Practice football at PE after lunch with “I’m your Turbo Lover” blasting from a monster truck, while big dudes smash each other on the grass, like rams in some spring-rites mating battle.
Ironic and hilarious when I think back on it now. The live album that followed Turbo was horrible. Wasn’t there a rumour for the tour that the drummer was so bad, they hired a second drummer and had him play under the stage?
David
I like Maiden but have never been swept away by them. Can’t argue about the quality of the early material. I just NEVER listen to it. I think there’s something about operatic vocals that just rub me the wrong way. I can respect it, I just don’t LOVE it. I’d much rather listen to a guy barfing his lungs up.
In my case the live album that came after was more important; listened to that cassette until it done wore out. I’ve always had a soft spot in my musical heart for the version of “Out in the Cold” on that recording.
And “guitar syths”! Wasn’t that all the marketing rage with this album and Maiden’s Somewhere in Time?
My dad played this album around the house a lot when I was a kid. He even had the videos for it on VHS and I loved to watch the ones with the skeleton robots. Fun stuff. Thanks for bringing back the memories.
@BrianR – it isn’t good, that’s for sure. I think only “Out In The Cold” really still works for me.
When clee said he’d be doing a lot of Priest material on IO to commemorate their final tour, I didn’t think he’d begin with _Turbo_. I’m a big fan of the band, but it’s hard to argue with the consensus here that this is the low point in their discography. While there’s silly material on _Point of Entry_ and _Defenders of the Faith_ too (hell there’s even silly, hair metal-ly stuff on _Screaming for Vengeance_), those albums still feel like Priest to me. _Turbo_, not so much. That said, every band gets to make one or two clunkers, especially when said band goes on two albums later to make the bonafide classic that is _Painkiller_.
Any word on North American dates on Priest’s final world tour? I’m ready to shell out all kinds of money to see their last hurrah.
Cliff Evans – I think the “Painkiller” video is great.
pseudonymous – Priest are booked in other countries until early October, so we in North America might not see them until 2012.
I didn’t know this record at all previously and I’m really digging this! I also happen to really like Def Leppard…
I can truly say I enjoy listening to Turbo just as much as I enjoy listening to Cold Lake. Unironically, of course.
BTW, these Turbo TV spots are effin’ hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ujvdx_D4bP4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdtxwmWzzDw&feature=related
i cant stand “turbo”..it came out when i was already way into hc and thrash so i didnt give a shit,but id see the videos on headbangers ball or whatever. that chick in the “turbo lover” video is fucking hot though,a nice curvy chick with a thick ass in an 80s metal video,instead of some tall skinny chick
and i meant the chick in the original “turbo lover” video,not the one with ice t’s wife. not that ice t wife dont got titty and ass,she got titty and ass like a mothafucka
I graduated HS in 86. One of metals greatest years imo. I did see the Priest Turbo tour along with Metallica:Ozzy. It seemed only months apart. The Turbo album definitely isn’t one by Priest I reach for when in need of a Priest fix. Tour weren’t bad though. One thing I’d always heard was Holland didn’t even play drums on a lot of it. I heard they had used a drum machine to record a lot of it. Priest experts would have to clear that up for me.
R Tenney – I’ve heard a bunch of rumors about the drum machine. One was that it was on parts of Ram It Down. Another was that it helped augment Holland’s playing on the Turbo tour. The former seems more probable than the latter. I’m curious what the real stories are.
Turbo kicks ass! Musically its a lot like Dokken or Def Leppard or Scorpions and I love the catchy “Photograph” style riffs and harmonies. Lyrically it can make me wince a little but I can still have fun with it. The solos on Turbo are some of their best ever actually. Listen to the solo on “Hot For Love” (snicker). Also, the last song on Turbo, “Reckless” is a classic style Priest song that could have been on Screaming or Defenders. The live concert video of the Turbo tour is some of their best stuff. Check out “Desert Plains”. They fucking rock it out like its the greatest song they ever wrote. They even do a breakdown in the middle of it, which is surprising in that Desert Plains is not one of their best known songs, coming off the “Point Of Entry” album. Ive always been a big fan of that song and Point Of Entry, and its nice to see that they love that song as much as I do. “Love Bites” is brilliant live as well. Their energy bleeds through monitor. Priest was at the top of their game here, even if the album was dismissed by “purist” metal heads. Its a shame really.
Does anyone know who the girl chasing the tire near the end of the Turbo Lover video was? I don’t really like to exercise, or even get off the couch for that matter, but I could run behind that all day long.
I haven’t been able to identify the girl in the Turbo Lover video, BUT
thanks to the Internet Archive, here is an *AMAZING* info page about Turbo. In-depth details about the recording sessions, videos, what was going on in the band personally, press quotes from the time, and much, much more:
http://replay.waybackmachine.org/20080919112600/http://members.firstinter.net/markster/TURBO.html
In 1991, Rob Halford said that his favorite Priest album was Turbo!
Point of Entry’s Don’t Go and Hot Rockin are two of the most amazing Priest videos around. I have NEVER heard Turbo either, I just know a few songs here and there but oddly enough Point of Entry is quickly becoming one of my favorite album of theirs, I think cause I’ve wore the ever living shit out of the classics and Painkiller. I think Turbo is probably a way better album than Nostradamus, I don’t really want to hear either but I’m guessing.
IO, that is indeed a great page. I seem to remember stumbling across it back in the day.
So, with all the calculation that apparently went into the music on Turbo (as stated throughout the interviews on that page), I ask all the know-it-alls around here: is Turbo an example of a band ’selling out’?
I would say Priests Turbo was a response to the times. Dios Sacred Heart; Maidens Somewhere in Time;Saxons mid 80s work all utilized synths. Always loved Halfords vocals on the album;and it was as often played as Ultimate Sin;Master of Puppets in my cassette player back then.
Apparently, K. K. Downing is out of Priest. I’m kind of stunned that they couldn’t keep the band together for their swansong world tour, and I hope that this doesn’t mean Downing has health problems or anything like that. I’ll still see them if they come anywhere near me and I can afford it, but this is disappointing news.
Yes, was surprised to read about K.K. One of the last two original members, so it’s a pity. A medical issue reason of some sort would actually be preferable (and understandable) compared to some sort of personal or monetary squabble.