Consuming Impulse: The Goatwhore Burger

Story and photo by Carmelo Española

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If hell had a deli, Goatwhore would own it. These NOLA death dealers would carve out the eyes of God and serve them by the pound. The spices on the racks would be homemade by these alchemists of the Black Sun Cult. The back room would contain an endless supply of hooks to supplement the bullet belts and spikes.

Fortunately for us mere mortals, the Goatwhore burger from Kuma’s Corner doesn’t need a binding contract with the devil to provide deli-inspired delight. As always, a 10 oz. beef patty is front and center. Layers of spicy salami and provolone cheese blanket the patty with tongue-bending flavors. The highlight ingredient is the olive giardiniera salad. Giardiniera is a pickled pepper mix that is sold in jars and is a popular condiment at Chicago delis. Adding spicy olives raises the heat index from mild to “Apocalyptic Havoc”. This burger needs to be consumed fast, and any beer paired with it won’t temper the blazing heat.

This is one hell of a burger that can make anyone hear screams from the fiery abyss. Consumed oblivion has been achieved.

— Carmelo Española

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Goatwhore – “Apocalyptic Havoc”
(Official Video)

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Carm occasionally sacrifices his arteries for the sake of this column.

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