Story and photo by Carmelo Española
. . .
If hell had a deli, Goatwhore would own it. These NOLA death dealers would carve out the eyes of God and serve them by the pound. The spices on the racks would be homemade by these alchemists of the Black Sun Cult. The back room would contain an endless supply of hooks to supplement the bullet belts and spikes.
Fortunately for us mere mortals, the Goatwhore burger from Kuma’s Corner doesn’t need a binding contract with the devil to provide deli-inspired delight. As always, a 10 oz. beef patty is front and center. Layers of spicy salami and provolone cheese blanket the patty with tongue-bending flavors. The highlight ingredient is the olive giardiniera salad. Giardiniera is a pickled pepper mix that is sold in jars and is a popular condiment at Chicago delis. Adding spicy olives raises the heat index from mild to “Apocalyptic Havoc”. This burger needs to be consumed fast, and any beer paired with it won’t temper the blazing heat.
This is one hell of a burger that can make anyone hear screams from the fiery abyss. Consumed oblivion has been achieved.
. . .
Goatwhore – “Apocalyptic Havoc”
(Official Video)
. . .
Carm occasionally sacrifices his arteries for the sake of this column.
. . .
fuck, now I’m hungry dude. I wish I had money to buy a cheeseburger
Great place. It’s all about the YOB though. Fan-fucking-tastic.
anyone know if there’s a term for the kind of hamburger bun in that picture? a couple of LA burger joints use them (such as Umami Burger and Stout), and they’re amazing. I figure there’s gotta be a name for em.
The bun is called a pretzel roll. I’m pretty sure it’s all Kuma’s uses.
I was expecting some kind of goat cheese.
ahhh. i’d heard the term but hadn’t connected the dots. thanks! now i know what i wish i could eat for every meal.
@Cryzthormagnusian: No “whore” on this burger either, though it does have salami, the most prurient of the cured meats.
looks good, too bad its named after a suck ass band full of dipshits
Wow. Giardiniera needs to be explained?
I want to live in Chicago and this is one of the main reasons why
Tony – I’m not familiar with Italian food, so this is the first time I’ve heard of giardiniera. Now I’m curious to try it (and the burger, too).
I live in northern Michigan and drive 7hrs to eat there. Been going there for 3yrs now and if you listen to metal you must make a trip there. Food is unearthly and the staff is great. Its also really fun to tease the sweater vest wearing khaki crowds that go there and cover their ears when they cant stand the music. Get there early as sometimes there is a 3hr wait to be seated. Personal fave is the Black Sabbath burger.
Interesting. I never knew it was a Chicago-specific condiment. I thought every Subway offered it on their sandwiches (albeit in a watered down version). Assuming you’re still in LA, I’d recommend a trip down to Portillo’s in Buena Park sometime to get a taste of the Chicago version.
Yeah, I don’t think i’ve seen giardiniera at Subway out here. however, that newer sub chain, Jersey Mike’s, has it under the less interesting name “red pepper relish”.
@ Horde-
im curious to know why Goatwhore is suckass band and dipshits
you know i think we need to feed horde a “giardia” sandwich myself.
@ Tony: I’d never heard of it either. It sounds delicious, though.
This whole heavy metal themed food fad is interesting. I wish I had the wherewithal to start a restaurant myself. I love to cook, and I love the metal. I can’t imagine a better job.
Salami could be considered the whore of the meat world.
@Tony – this is clearly a regional thing. I’m West Coast and I’ve never so much as heard the word.
The Plague Bringer is my personal fav at Kuma’s.
Roasted Garlic Mayo, Tortilla Strips, House Made Hot Sauce, Fresh Garlic, Pepper Jack, Sliced Jalapenos
Just a note, as to why I named this the goatwhore, do some research. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muffuletta
The Burger God hath spoken! Thanks for dropping by.
This is my favorite comment thread on here in a while.
I will attest to the quality of The Plague Bringer. As for my favorite Kuma’s burger, it’s a tossup between that and The Darkthrone.
Thanks for the coverage man. I really appreciate it. Make a note of this months special the Northless. Take care.
-L
looks just as good as the cattle decapitaion burger we got here in san diego
@lost goat
They aren’t. Goatwhore is actually an amazingly talented and extremely brutal band full of awesome people. *Someone* probably has a case of hair/penis/talent envy, and that’s what’s doing the typing.
BTW -The burger looks good too.
Good clarification. I love read it Marcy Lu