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If I had a TV, I wouldn’t watch it. But if I had a TV and time to watch it, and could pick what channels it got, it would have three. The first would be all MMA, all day. The second would be reruns of Yo! MTV Raps, hosted by Doctor Dré and Ed Lover. The third would be reruns of the original Headbangers Ball, hosted by Riki Rachtman. That metal channel would have metal ads, and the first one would be for Tankcrimes Brainsqueeze fest (see above).
Seriously, this is the best ad I’ve ever seen for anything. (Admittedly, I haven’t watched TV for over a decade, so my data set is limited.) You have to watch this ad a few times to catch everything. You also have to watch this ad a few times because it’s great.
Here are some fun facts about the ad.
- The 10 year-old is Ezra Lux, the son of Ludicra drummer Aesop Dekker. He runs the blog Crud Wizard, in which he reviews the world around him. On Reign in Blood: “Their music makes me think of a boat on rough seas, and that boat has me on it”. On Don’t Break the Oath: “The music is plainly metal, played well to make it sound much more complicated than it is”. And, perhaps the loveliest sentence ever penned in English: “I had a burrito, a good burrito”.
- Ross Sewage and Mauz helped voice and make the ad. Sewage is the bassist for fine bands like Ludicra, Impaled, and Ghoul. He is also an amazing visual artist. And evidently he has a modicum of baking skills – see his recipe for “Cookies for Landmine Marathon”.
- Mauz runs Life Is Abuse, which has brought you fine bands like Asunder and Dystopia. Life Is Abuse put out Ludicra’s debut Hollow Psalms, which came out recently as a beautiful double LP, and which needs a CD repress post-haste. Mauz also runs Monolith Press, a print shop that silkscreens posters, art prints, and album covers. David D’Andrea works there. He did the artwork for Intronaut’s Valley of Smoke (which comes out October 12; you can now pre-order it – see here). I could go on. Everything connects.
- Tankcrimes is putting on this festival. The label has quietly put out ultra-cool releases like A.N.S.’ Pressure Cracks (reviewed here), an Abscess/Population Reduction split that I reviewed in Decibel #64, and a Toxic Holocaust/Inepsy split, whose die hard edition had artwork by Voivod’s Away, and which sold out pretty much instantly. If the video didn’t embed it in yr skull yet, remember the name: Tankcrimes.
- Population Reduction is one of the bands playing in this festival. Their latest album is called Every Birth a New Disaster. I can get with this philosophy. This crossover thrash delight has killer artwork and just got a repress recently. Get it on CD and LP from Tankcrimes, or on CD and MP3 from Amazon
. You can hear a song from it below. You can also hear them on Relapse’s recent This Comp Kills Fascists, Vol. 2.
“Black Metal Beach Party”
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If the video didn’t embed it in yr skull yet: Brainsqueeze fest, October 8 and 9 in Oakland. That’s a month from today. There’s an all-day free BBQ the day after. The poster is below. If you’re in the Bay Area then – go!
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Yeah, I’d definitely go if I was in town. That’s a killer lineup. Municipal Waste are one of the best live bands ever.
Holy shit thats awesome!
Ahh, everything wrong with extreme retro Metal in one place. There’s that part which proclaims which subcultures are welcome, but I think it really all boils down to hipster. This is a fucking joke. It’s not funny. No, it’s not ‘ironically’ funny either. I feel sorry for people who find this amusing.
OK, let’s get this straight: You came to extreme metal from dance music and sometimes admit what you call a limited data set when it comes to the music you cover sometimes five, six times per day.
And now you’re saying this is what you consider to be the “best ad for anything, ever” but admit a limited data set b/c you’ve not watched TV in a decade.
Maybe you should post about carpentry or chesse making. You’ve probably got limited experience with those things too.
Man, if this fest wasn’t on the same weekend as Apocalyptic Crust Fest and Riot Fest, I would totally get on a plane to Oakland for this!
Hopefully “NO” and “Donbildow” aren’t going to make it to the shows… otherwise fun would be instantly destroyed.
And donbidlow, don’t be an ass. Take that shit over to MetalSucks. Thanks.
Embarrasing…
@donbildow
He meant he had limited data on ads on TV. So the said ad is the best one ever in spite of the fact he has limited data of ads.
Didn’t think it was that complicated to understand the written word.
Have you seen this gem?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sZuN0xXWLc
gotta love the metal purity crowd that’s slowly infiltrating this comment section. as if I’d have any interest in a blog written by someone who had never listened to anything other than metal, ever. take those closed minds and stick em in an oven set to clean.
as for the ad, yeah, it’s pretty great. not a lineup i’d get overly excited about, but i bet it’s a fun show.
Oh my god, this is so funny at so many levels! I’d go to that fest if only I lived near there…brilliant!
seriously. i’m waaay more interested in what comso has to say because he’s clearly a regular joe. a regular joe who listens to all sorts of stuff and isn’t SNARKY like most metal purists.
@ Wash Jones
Obviously not many that frequent IO are interested in expertise, but thoughtless think pieces about mostly disposable music.
I come here for the spectacle of it all — and Helm’s engaging commentary.
the term “thoughtless think piece” made me rofl
Everyone loves a troll; how is it under the bridge, don? Helm’s comments are mind-numbingly dull and overwritten. Enjoy!
You gotta love people who come to blogs solely to notify the author that they disagree with everything that was written. What I can never understand is how someone can reach the rarified level of jackassery where they feel free to be overly critical but choose to do it in the comment section instead of starting their own blog for that purpose.
Then again, I realize the opposite to what I described is Stuart Voegtlin, who, though I sometimes enjoy his writings, can be just as frustrating.
Actually, judging from IP addresses, “donbildow” *is* Voegtlin.
Out of sheer curiosity, when you say you haven’t watched TV do you mean actually tuned into a network or have you avoided the medium entirely? Because you’ve missed quite a lot of good storytelling if it’s the latter.
Hmm…that is a shock Cosmo, I didn’t see his customary latin quotations every 3rd sentence. Amazed we didn’t see, at bare minimum, an ipso facto or in medias res emerge from something that read like an ill-formed attempt at a David Foster Wallace novel.
Wow.
Thanks for the totally awesome push, Cosmo! Just a 411, the pic of the kid is Ezra, but the voice was Mauz’s talented kid, Cameron! We are running a regular kid labor camp over here. Exploit all minors!
Maybe you could challenge Stuart to a cage match or something.
Best. Commercial. Ever.
Every metal listener has a “limited data set.” This is a genre where there are often 150 new releases each month. Even if you listened to nothing but metal 18 hours a day you’d just scratch the surface.
Fuck the haters. That ad owns. Direct Control owns. This will own.
Yeah, this is supposed to be funny in the powerthirst vein, but this shit comes off as hipster catnip. I’m so sick of self aware “so bad it’s good” bullshit.
/no fun club
/yes, I used the H word
/off to go fuck myself
Does the word hipster now mean “anything one does not like”?
bring this to new york city!
we need pop redux and a.n.s.
fuck hipsters….
fuck non-hipsters…
thanks for the plug COSMO – see all you retro retro thrashers at the gig!
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An eat all you can burrito bar would be nice!
Sorry posers, but donbildowvoegtlin is the hipster here, the Tankcrimes folks are anything but…I’m sure Village Voice is much better at representing non-disposable music for your trend digestion.
Fucking classic! I’d go if I had the cash.
I’d go if I lived in California. And I am a hipster hating metal purist and partial member of the no fun club, but I’d go, get drunk, mosh, hit on girls (I mean try my best to drunkenly flirt, not actually HIT), buy some shit, looks like a lot of fun.
Sucks that you have some major sucking going on in the comments, this shit is funny if you don’t live inside your computer box being a website villian. Fuck yeah onward
YESSSSS. Also, that Crud Wizard blog is amazing. How are these ten-year-old journalists so awesome?