When you die, maybe you’d like to be more useful than as an urn on a mantel (waiting to be knocked over and lapped up by the dog), or as fertilizer for soil that will eventually become condominiums. Maybe you’d like to keep making people happy – at 33 1/3 RPM.
For £3,000, And Vinyly, an English company, will press your ashes into 30 LP’s. (See story here.) These are presumably 12″ discs, with 12 minutes of sound on each side. If you want the sleeve to be a creepy portrait of yourself – with your ashes mixed into the paint – pony up an extra £4,000. (See “COVERS” at the company’s website.) Otherwise, you get a plain black sleeve with white text indicating your name, lifespan, and “R.I.V.” (Rest In Vinyl). “Groove is in the heart” has new meaning now.
Presumably the vinyl is black, though a clear splatter option (the splatter being the ashes) would be wicked. (Would that be the Die Hard edition?) I can see the reviews already: “gritty, lifeless sound… a style that’s DOA”.
24 minutes as a sonic last will and testament: for side A, I’d like some of my music, along with some Mitch Hedberg one-liners. For side B, I’d like Metallica’s “To Live Is to Die” (9:47, lyrics), Motörhead’s “Bite the Bullet” (1:38, lyrics), Nasum’s “Fatal Search” (0:28, lyrics), and Napalm Death’s “You Suffer” (0:01, lyrics).
What would be on your final vinyl?
. . .
PS. The only video I found of the ashes scene in The Big Lebowski was in French. That makes it even funnier. See it here.
side a would be my testament, side b would be kokomo on repeat
Damn…thats a hard choice. You can’t have a bunch of lame “sad” metal songs on there, otherwise the only physical remnant of your existence will be painfully embarassing. Which means it just has to be badassery all the way through. I think that side 1 for me would be me bitching about a bunch of stuff, old man style. Side 2 would just be a bunch of movie samples effortlessly edited together and maybe a Carnivore track. There would also be a bonus track after 30 minutes of silence, which is me bitching about some other stuff. Hopefully those that survive me have better taste than I do!
ill go with a bunch of lame sad metal songs
I’ll have Bonegnawer’s “Hammer To The Skull” repeat over and over on both sides. LOL
I’m thinking that I’d go for Dopesmoker. On both sides.
I’d want four minutes of Devin Townsend talking BS for four minutes then followed by his song Funeral on side A. On side B, I’d want a short testament made by myself then with Electric Wizard’s Funeralopolis then Queens of the Stone Age’s Lightning Song. Yeah. That’s what I’d want.
Neurosis “No River To Take Me Home” on side A, Ian MacKaye yelling at people for moshing on side B.
Side A: Coroner’s intro acoustic/classical track to “Nosferatu, followed by Aesop Dekker mercilessly making fun of me in eulogy form.
Side B: “Hava Nagila” followed by Cynic’s “Sentiment” and Agalloch’s “Hollow Stone.”
The William Hung version of “She Bangs” on repeat, side A…William Shatner’s version of “Rocket Man” on side B.
Oh oh or just having Adam West say his name over and over on Side A and then on Side B the sound of a shot gun then silence…
Party Hard. On loop.
Wow. Um, pretty creepy.
My selections are as follows:
[SIDE A]
1. An Ode To Thy Loved Ones
2. Sounds of Meditation
[SIDE B]
1. Tool – “Parabol/Parabola” (9:07)
2. Nine Inch Nails – “Ghosts IV 09″
Snippets of Gregorian chants and Steven Hawking lectures recorded at half-speed interspersed with drones and field recordings, all done as lockgrooves.
And I want them distributed to record stores with no identifying information – I want people to think they’ve found something haunted, like a cross between Jandek and the Necronomicon.
I would have all of “Kicked in the Teeth” by Zeke on side A (because it would undoubtedly fit), and the sweet Sounds of the Humpback Whale on side B.
“Down in a Hole” by AIC and “Where I’m Going” by Down. And this on the b-side: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCe5KPa2Vk0
I’m a fat guy- does that mean i get to be 30 double albums?
Any selection of South Park songs will do.
Tool – Lateralus
“Spiral out…Keep going…”
[SIDE A]
1. Candlemass – Solitude
[SIDE B]
1. MC Hammer – 2 Legit 2 Quit
[Side A]
1.Gojira – The Art of Dying
2.Meshuggah – In Death-Is Life
[Side B]
1.Obscura – Orbital Elements
2.The Black Dahlia Murder – Death Panorama
3.Origin – Finite