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“Dear Prudence,” Slate’s advice column, recently ran this gem:
Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend is absolutely not a sadistic sex killer. He is a kind and generally considerate person. But he loves listening to gruesome death metal ? music best described as blasting noise with deranged growls and shrieks that often (from what I can tell) celebrates horrendous misogynistic violence. He respects that I am not a fan of this music and doesn’t usually play it when I am around. But he gets a huge charge from listening to it when we have sex and is comparatively lackluster at the deed when he doesn’t have it to fire him up. Although I find the music unpleasant and distracting, I don’t object when I feel focused enough to block it out. What really bothers me are the awful themes. It disturbs me that a seemingly well-adjusted man in his 30s is aroused by torture fantasies set to music. He says it’s just about the “energy” for him, but I really don’t know what to think about someone who wants to listen to Cannibal Corpse when he makes love to me. Am I being oversensitive about this?
? Blasted
Cannibal Corpse – I Cum Blood (live)Cannibal Corpse – Fucked with a Knife (live)
This seems so incredible as to be made up. (See Prudie’s answer here – thanks to Dave Schalek for the tip.) But if so, kudos anyway to Slate for broaching that beloved music nerd meme, music for getting it on. What I would first tell “Blasted”: at least it’s not XXX Maniak. Then: if it’s the subject matter that bothers you and not the music, your boyfriend should put on Terrordrome. Their album Vehement Convulsion, which I wrote about here, has wonderful mood-setters like “Festivity of Clitoris Licking” and “No Oral Hesitations.”
People have soundtracked their coupling ever since the first phonograph. (This is a safe assumption, I think.) Does anyone actually do it to Barry White? Eddie Vedder was supposedly conceived to Neil Young. Neil Young??? Then again, I once had a memorable afternoon set to Kraftwerk’s The Man-Machine – interrupted only to flip the LP. (Perhaps the title inspired me.)
What metal makes you get it on?
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There’s an early-mid-nineties gabber compilation called Terrordrome that fuckin’ rules all over the place, it’s packed with hits to the moon and back. No goddamn way if I’m planning to have any dirty deeds done dirt cheap with that record on the turntable, though.
How ’bout some Scorpions? Or Scorpians like we say in Norwayland.
Excellent letter. I think Kraftwerk are great for sex because they’re rhythmic enough to suggest a tempo but there’s not too much going on musically so it doesn’t take over. However it has lyrics and I have a rule against that, having been caught singing Thor lyrics while having sex once…
I usually play ambient music for this sort of thing. I hope that isn’t a reflection on my skills!!
My original response when first hearing about this was that if a man can’t perform to the sensual crooning of Tom Jones or Marvin Gaye, this woman needs a new man!
I figure Moss would be pretty good for sex–slow, scary, and sexy. Haven’t yet tried it out, though, so I’ll make no guarantees.
(By the way, those Manowar condoms really sucked. I don’t think they were ribbed or lubricated or anything–just plain crappy latex in a Manowar bag. Avoid.)
svein – Scorpions, f#$k yes. Gabber LOL.
helm – Thor?!?
onerode – I don’t think I could keep a straight face during Tom Jones. And I can’t believe anyone tried the Manowar condoms!
For those who suffer from premature ejaculation, I recommend Agoraphobic Nosebleed or early Napalm Death.
Manowar was supposed to be a Valentine’s Day surprise. Unfortunately, driving around and listening to Manowar loudly with your loved one is inadvertently much more romantic.
An encounter in high school occurred while listening to “In League With Satan” by Venom…
“I drink the juice of women / As they lie alone”…
King Diamond – Abigail
“I’m aliiiiiive, inside your wife”
Carnivore – Carnivore
“Did you come? I eat and run! I live for sodomy!”
Cosmo: Thor are fucking amazing! Fact.
My answer to this and pretty much every other question is “Burzum.”
roxy – That’s…interesting. But I’ve seen multiple reports of getting it on to Xasthur (which would seem like the ultimate bummer/buzzkill), so I guess anything is possible.