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When I reviewed Graf Orlock last year, I described the “facehugger” as “the baby lifeform in Aliens that’s basically a combination of vagina and spider crab.” Little did I know that this sentence would unleash a deluge of Google Image search queries, continuing to this day, that included every possible combination of the words “baby,” “spider,” “alien(s),” and “crab(s)” in conjunction with “vagina.” This site’s hits are going up, but they’re mostly just perverts.
Other search query trends are more meaningful (and depressing). One month last year, people (none older than 20, probably) were furiously and frequently searching for Job for a Cowboy’s logo font. The next month, people badly wanted to download Soilwork’s album from torrents. Other trends: seeking advice on windmill headbanging, the beginning and ending of Resident Evil: Extinction, and image searches for Joe Satriani’s hair and “bloody people.”
These are the top 10 search engine queries leading here since the last such installment.
(10) masterbation with oranges
(9) scary shit mp3 or wav soundbites
(8) happy metal mp3
(7) Download iron maiden mp3 songs absolutely free (no payment)
(6) hellenic penis
(5) HEADBANGING LITTLE GIRL
(4) PORTAL OUTRE REVIEW for hardened listeners
(3) RESIDENT EVIL EXTINCTION BLACK PEOPLE DIE
(2) do women like metalheads
(1) do girls like metalheads
at least “happy metal” is a good sign (there’s a last.fm group by that name)
I see there is indeed such a thing. And it is mostly power metal, which I guess is no surprise. One learns something new every day!
‘for hardened listeners’ had me laughing
and what do people want with my penis?
Maybe, Helm, they’re looking for the “hardened listener.”
Maiden fans are such cheapskates! Women (and girls, for that matter) decidedly do NOT like this.
Roxy, Iron Maiden has sold “Run to the Hills” to its fans no less than 15 times. Maybe the fans have finally started to wise up. Or maybe this guy just *really* didn’t want to pay.
Also, maybe Horgh likes travel, cooking/baking, and long walks on the beach!
He doesn’t look like he likes long walks on anything.
This post is hilarious, hahaha.
“Other trends: seeking advice on windmill headbanging”
I have to say that’s a really charming thing for someone to be looking for on the internet. It’s the sort of thing the internet was invented for, actually. Learning about thing you’d always be ashamed to ask in a normal conversation.
I am a very hardnened, throbbing and pulsating listener on other news, but that didn’t make Outre by Portal enjoyable to listen to.